these things don't happen to normal people

New Post

2011-01-25T13:32:00.000-08:00

There's a new post over at www.jencorzine.wordpress.com. I won't be posting here anymore so go find me there! :)

Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day

2011-01-21T15:07:00.000-08:00

A few days ago our maintenance man came into the office and said that some very large rodent was running around in the ceiling. Apparently he was just sharing that info because there sure as heck wasn’t anything any of us women were going to do about it.

Today he came strolling in and said, “Adela and some guy are out in the hallway trying to catch a squirrel.”

I gave him a look that I hoped would communicate: You are the maintenance man and in any other world it would be your job to be chasing the squirrel, not spreading the news.

But I love Richard. So I got up and said, “Ooh. Let’s go watch.”

Well, I get out there and there is a squirrel running at me along the wall of the hallway, my co-worker chasing it, holding out her coat like she’s going to throw it on the little guy, and a dorky white man standing by the wall like he’s ready to pounce. They both scream at me, “Don’t let him get by you!”

Um, hello. Squirrels bite. I was NOT going to take on that rabbid fuzzy headed ball of cuteness with my bare hands. So, I let him get by me and watched him try to scale a wall before sliding back down.

“Please tell me you guys have a plan besides 4 hands and a coat.”

::blank stares::

So I walked over to the front desk and said to our other front desk girl, “Um, can I please have your recycling box?”

By this point the little guy was headed back down the same hallway the other way. He managed to get himself snuggled in behind a table that was leaned up against the wall. We all had different ideas for nabbing him and weren’t communicating them very well. I kept trying to explain to the other two that if they would calm down and let me get him under the box I would take care of it. But instead Miss Thang in her high heels and Mr. Crazy White Man kept bopping around sending the squirrel into a wall climbing frenzy.

Finally he crouched down in a corner and I said, “Everybody stop! You, Mr. Crazy White Man (I didn’t really call him that), open that door and hold it open.”

I went and calmly put the box down over the little squirrel and started dragging the box along the floor, dragging the squirrel with me under the box. Thankfully he was fairly compliant. By the time I got to the door, the other two had blocked it off fairly well so he wouldn’t go backwards. No problems now. Just lift up the box and he would go running out, down the stairs to the right and off into his happy place of freedom.

Well…sort of. Instead I lifted up the box and he took off running at turbo speed straight out in front of him and did a Superman leap off the balcony, landing on the ground 15 feet below.

I was horrified and the crazy white man assured me that the little sucker took off running as soon as his feet hit the ground. I chose to trust him.

These things don’t happen to normal people…

The Path of the Righteous: Part One

2011-01-20T15:02:00.000-08:00

The week after Christmas I had the tremendous joy of getting to housesit for a precious family from my church. They kept telling me how much of a blessing it was to have me there but seriously my friends, I felt like a queen for that entire week. I had a whole household, a big fluffy bed with lots of fluffy pillows and a balcony off the bedroom all to myself. That balcony became my favorite place to sit and read in the evenings.

One of the other amazing parts though was that their house backs right up to the Barton Creek Greenbelt, an amazing 7 mile trail in Austin. Getting to walk out the back door every day with their dog Molly and hop onto the trail was such a luxury. Every day as I watched Molly run up ahead on the trail in front of us, I could never help but think the whole way. Just think. Think on

trails

paths

journeys

life

and

Jesus.

And in that short week, God revealed Himself in some amazing ways that I decided to share. So, for the next few days (uh...days...over an extended period of time I'm sure...) I will be writing a series called, "The Path of the Righteous."

Until next time...

P.S. Don't forget to switch over to www.jencorzine.wordpress.com. I'll probably stop posting on here next week! And for those of you who have been reading for years and years, I love you for staying with me through all the switches. I'll try to make this the last one!

Give the Man some room

2011-01-14T14:51:00.001-08:00

In my chronological reading of the Bible I am just about to finish Judges. Before you become insanely impressed at how fast I am flying through it, you should know that I actually started this plan mid-last year. When I wrote that one of my goals for this year was to be into the New Testament by 2012, I had already started Joshua.

There, the jig is up. I have confessed. Moving on.

Like I was saying, I am just about to finish Judges and all I have to say from Judges is…whoa. Just whoa. The Israelites. I mean, COME ON. If you’re ever feeling like a failure, like you just can’t get it right, take a walk through Judges and you’ll feel a whole lot better about yourself. Just over again they were turning their backs on the Lord, refusing to trust in Him, in who He had proven Himself to be so many times in their lives. Oh wait…that sounds kind of familiar. Nevermind.

But He did something really cool with one of the guys that was willing to listen. God raised up this guy Gideon to be a judge, despite the fact that Gideon had an extremely hesitant and sometimes weak faith. God asked Gideon to lead a group of men to deliver the Israelites from the Midianites saying, “Surely I will be with you, and you shall defeat Midian as one man.”

Gideon struggled and begged God for signs that He would be true to His word, signs that He graciously provided. On the morning when Midian was to be defeated, Gideon rose and took his army with him, about 32,000 men.

But the Lord said to Gideon, “The people who are with you are too many for Me to give Midian into their hands, for Israel would become boastful, saying, ‘My own power has delivered me.’” And with that God helped Gideon strip his army down to 300 men.

Did they defeat the Midianites with a meager 300 men? Of course they did. How did they do it? By going to the outskirts of the Midian camps and blowing trumpets and smashing pitchers, causing such a commotion that it confused the Midianites and basically set their men against each other until they had defeated themselves. It’s actually a pretty funny situation…well, in my head. I have a feeling that the Midianites weren’t by any means laughing.

But I keep going back to what’s before that. “The people who are with you are too many for Me to give Midian into their hands, for Israel would become boastful.”

When I first read that, I read it once. And then I read it again. And again. God was first of all setting up His promise. He would deliver Midian into the hands of the Israelites. That was not in question.

But He was not willing to do it in such a way that the Israelites could claim that they, in their own strength, had won this battle.

I couldn’t help but think about the fact that so many hours of our days revolve around accomplishment that comes from our own strength. We are completely trained to live in such a way that gives God no room to work. We overstaff just in case someone calls in sick. We overbuy just in case more people show up. We overwork just in case we get sick tomorrow. We have plan A’s and B’s just in case something doesn’t go as expected. We leave early just in case there’s traffic. We plan, prepare and compensate.

And after all of this, I would venture to say that the vast majority of us feel overwhelmed and tired and anxious because we still don’t feel prepared or like we’ve done enough.

We run ourselves ragged at the expense of not only our physical, emotional and spiritual health, but most importantly at the expense of the glory of our Lord and Creator. We have left no room for Him because we are seeking glory only for ourselves.

God knows His plans. And His plans will be accomplished. But don’t wear yourself out trying to accomplish what He has already promised will happen. Leave opportunities in your life for people to say, “I don’t know how that happened.”

Glory (His, not yours) is found when you say, “Because of God alone.”

I work part time for my church doing children’s ministry every Sunday morning. And nearly every morning we have volunteers who have sick kids or unexpected travel or simply forget they’re scheduled to serve. It happens almost every Sunday. But I have been tremendously blessed to work with someone who does not over plan but simply says, “God will take care of it.”

And every Sunday He does. He either brings less kids or more people.

A couple of Sundays ago we were really in a pinch, right up until the last second. We were short about 4 people. All the volunteers gathered to pray, as we do every Sunday, at 9:30. We prayed aloud together for the usual things adults pray for…that God would show up, that He would speak to the kids, that He would use us for His glory, that all the children would feel loved…

And then Zachary, a 6th grader who had come in that morning wanting to serve, piped into the prayer.

“God, uh, we need help. You know we do. We don’t have enough people. And, uh, You knew this was going to happen. So God please help us. Please send people.”

And God did send people. As people filtered in that morning for church a few of them stopped by and said, “Hey, any chance you guys need help back there today?”

Because of the precious and courageous prayer of an 11 year old boy, and because we had saved room in our hallways for God’s presence, He showed up. And we walked away that Sunday knowing that children’s ministry happened because of God and God alone. Because He wanted it to happen. And He promised it would be okay. And He made good on His promise.

He. will. not. fail.

So give the Man some room.

Listening...

2011-01-13T12:37:00.000-08:00

Don't forget to switch over to http://www.jencorzine.wordpress.com/!

I have an announcement...

2011-01-12T14:41:00.000-08:00

I moved my blog! Well, kind of. I switched over to a wordpress blog for various reasons that will bore you to tears should I go through them all. Point of this is, switch your readers or your subscriptions or your favorites or whatever and head over to:

www.jencorzine.wordpress.com
I'll keep posting here for a week or so until everyone gets situated. :) Love you all!

Homeboy

2011-01-12T12:59:00.000-08:00

This morning Mr. Dumbbutt was running around outside in the 30 degree weather. Obviously, he was more than willing when I offered to let him inside. Then I went one step further and offered him some of my roasted chicken. Let me state for the record that I’m not sure at this moment any living creature (Jesus not included) loves me more than Tyler Kitty. A warm apartment, a snuggly mousey and a few bites of roasted chicken are the ticket to make a happy cat.

And for those of you who are wondering, his real mama is beginning to question whether or not she Kity Kitty might actually be a he Tyler. I’ll spare you anything graphic, but there is some physical evidence that I pointed out to her and she said something along the lines of, “Ohhhhh…yeah. That might be what those are.”

Gluten Free

2011-01-11T15:10:00.000-08:00

Less than 48 hours gluten free and I already feel 100 times better. Truly and seriously. I didn’t think it could happen. I was hoping it wouldn’t to be honest. Seriously? No bread, no real pasta, no pancakesbagelsmuffinscookiescakes, no real PIZZA CRUST!? Heaven help me I’m just now having a reality check about what this is likely to mean for me, and I was going to have to really feel like a whole new person for me to sign up for this. But I have to admit…right now, I feel like a whole new person. Oh dear.

Tyler Kitty

2011-01-10T14:48:00.000-08:00

Y'all this is my homeboy Tyler. Also known as Kitty Kitty. Also known as Buddy. Also known as Mister Sister. Also known as Jesus with fur. (In a completely loving and non-sacrilegious way.)

Here's the thing, Ty has been around for quite awhile now. But I suppose it's much like having a boyfriend. You don't really want to introduce him to the family until you're sure he's going to be around for a bit. Otherwise everyone gets all attached and then we he leaves you're heartbroken and the family is heartbroken and the drama escalates and it's just a mess.

While it sounds like I've ever experienced that, I haven't. Truly. But I imagine that's kind of what it would be like.

But Ty here, well he has become a regular in the cast of characters of my life and I feel it's important to share him with you all.

Tyler came into my life back around June while I was directing Seussical. I had gotten home REALLY late one night from work and was so ready to pass out. I literally had been nervous about making the 5 minute drive home. When I got out of my car I heard a little "meow meow" but for the life of me could not figure out where it was coming from. I went into our apartment complex's laundry room and saw a poster for a lost tabby cat. Thinking that maybe the little meow meow would match the poster I went back out on a hunt for the little(HUGE)fella. As I started calling, "Come here kitty," little mister appeared out from under the car next to me and sure enough looked exactly like the cat on the poster. He was SO sweet so I assumed I'd just take him up to my apartment, call the number on the poster, mom would come get him and I'd move on with life.

Jen, you know what they say about assuming.

I called the number and no one answered. I left a message saying that I was pretty sure I'd found their cat and could they please come get him tonight. Well about an hour later my phone had still not rung and I was realizing that my furry friend was going to need some food and litter. So, despite some massive sleep deprivation and general lethargy I got myself pulled back together at 11:30 p.m. and headed to the nearest grocery store. As I stood in line holding a litterbox, a bag of cheap litter, a box of cheap cat food and a stuffed mouse, I noticed the girl at the cash register kept looking at me. When I finally got up to the register she started laughing. I wanted to smack her into next Tuesday but I guess instead I just gave a really pitiful questioning look because she said, "I'm sorry...you just look so so sleepy." Yeah. I was.

I went home and a few minutes later my phone rang. It was the number from the poster. The girl said she would be right over to pick him up. (Yes right after I bought $15 worth of supplies for his fuzzy butt.) When she got to my apartment, two friends in tow, she said, "Oh no. I don't think that's him."

What.

I was like, "Are you sure? It looks just like the picture."

"Yeah he does look a lot like my cat but I really don't think that's him. I'm sure I would know if it was him."

She left...without the cat.

And with that, I had inherited a new friend. One of my favorite parts about him was that he was missing one of his fangs. I guess because of that he didn't know what to do with the one that remained so it usually just hung out of his mouth and over his bottom lip.

For about a week I was totally unwilling to get attached to him, but after about 5 days, it was time to realize this was my new kitty. He seemed to so enjoy being at my apartment. He was completely content there. He was totally snuggly and I adored him. And at that time things for me were just hard. Life was hard. I was struggling. And every night I came home to this sweet little guy who started purring as soon as I walked in the door. I even had a dear friend working for me at camp who took her lunch break to take him to a vet she was familiar with and have him checked out.

Right about the day I told him, "Okay buddy. I guess you're mine. I don't know how I'm going to afford it, but somehow I'll make sure I take care of you," my phone rang with an unknown number. I answered and a girl on the other end of the line said, "Hey, I think you found my cat?"

At first I was very hopeful that this one wasn't hers. She kept referring to the cat as a girl named Kitty Kitty and as far as I could tell, this one was clearly a boy. But when she said, "My cat is missing a front fang," I didn't have any choice but to acknowledge it was hers. She came and got him/her that night and thanked me profusely for taking such good care of him/her. She told me that he/she was an indoor and outdoor cat but she had just moved here and he/she had escaped from her apartment before she was confident he knew his way around. I was totally brokenhearted when she walked away with Tyler but I told her to please let me know if she ever needed someone to take care of "her."

Before too long, Ty started appearing at my door. He'd bust in unexpectedly as I was leaving for work in the morning or would cry outside at 3 a.m. I quickly figured out that I needed to just keep the food and litterbox out and available because he wasn't giving up. His owner, Aiden, and I developed a neighborly friendship based on our mutual love of my little furry friend. I would call her anytime he was hanging out just to let her know where he was. Most days she would just let me keep him there until he started acting like he was ready to go out and be a wild jungle cat again. I began to feel like I was sharing custody of a child, but I couldn't help but smile every time he showed up.

I started realizing that he had an uncanny ability of showing up on the worst days. The days when I was tired or sad or generally heavy-hearted, he was always there. That's when he started being furry Jesus. Jesus has spoken to me through lizards and birds; He can certainly come to me in kitties.

So that's Tyler. Aiden calls when she's headed out of town and I get to let him come have vacations with me. And then plenty of other days he just shows up when he needs a little Jen lovin'. Like today, at 5 a.m. His habits of getting my attention have grown from simply crying at the door to scratching the door and tapping on the window and smushing his little face up against it. (The first time he did that and I turned around and saw little eyes peering in it scared the snot out of me.)

Sometimes when I go out of town I worry about him. I'm always afraid that if he comes to my door too many times and I don't answer he'll give up on me. But he never does. When I'm not home he goes and hangs out at my neighbor's. My neighbor friend smokes, legal and not so legal substances, but that's beside the point. So sometimes Ty comes back to me smelling like a little cigarette but we always get him tidied back up and snuggle ready. But he never does forget. Never stops coming to find me just because I'm temporarily unavailable. And I love that about him.

I just love my little furry boyfriend.

On being "impressively allergic"...

2011-01-10T08:36:00.001-08:00

Let me start by saying that last night at about 10:00 p.m. I realized I had already failed at one of my goals. Blogging 3 times a week. And at that point I wasn't going to go hit up a coffeeshop and steal some internet just to have not failed. I'll try to make up for it this week though. Moving on...

For those of you who have known me for awhile, you know that for quite some time (i.e. YEARS) I have been dealing with some seemingly undiagnosable stomach issues. I will spare you any descriptions of the symptoms I'm having. But know that they can be unpleasant. I've been to many doctors and gone through many tests and a diagnosis seems to be quite out of reach.

The interesting thing is that overall the doctors I have been to don't get too worked up about it. I don't blame them. Whatever it is, it's clearly not killing me. I on the other hand am pretty much tired of it. Stomach issues always hit at the most inopportune moments. Well, really when is it an opportune moment to have gas. Sorry...I meant to spare you the details but I just had to throw that out there. The gas isn't even as much of an issue for me as just the general pain and nauseous feelings at some point every day.

I'm over it, to say the least. And when my tummy doctor told me last year the next step was going to be a colonoscopy, I took matters into my own hands. I wasn't playing around anymore. People kept telling me that the procedure itself was not a big deal and I get that. Truly. The hiney probe really made no difference to me because I was going to be down for the count during that. The 48 hour cleansing process beforehand? No thank you. You can keep your colonoscopy.

My doc told me she really didn't think it was a food allergy related issue but I had a nagging feeling I needed to check the possibility and to be honest, I didn't feel like I was given a good reason about why she felt confident ruling it out.

So, I cancelled the colonoscopy and made an appointment instead with an allergist. He was/is a bit weird. Can't lie. Apparently that's common to allergy doctors. Whatever. Man knows what he's doing.

After an initial appointment I was scheduled for an allergy test. I had been suspecting that I was maybe allergic to chocolate and already knew I was allergic to cats. So I figured I'd walk out with a positive reaction to the cocoa bean and a precscription for eye drops.

For those of you who don't know how allergy tests are done, let me give you a quick run down. They had me lay on my stomach and then wrote the numbers 1-45 all down my back. They test for inhalants first (trees, grasses, mold) and see which ones you react to. If you react to any of those on your back you are "severely allergic." For those that you don't react to on your back, they do a shot in your arm to see if you are "mildly allergic."

After giving you little scratches on your back of each inhalant, they wait 15 minutes and then if you have any reaction, they measure the size of the welt.

Well, my friends, after 60 seconds the girl who was administering my test said, "Oh my God. Uh...you're definitely allergic."

"Really? To what?"

"Everything."

I had a positive, severe reaction to 30 of the inhalants she tested me for. The few that were leftover, she tested by giving me a shot on my arm. I was "mildly allergic" to five of those. If you'd like a comprehensive list...

trees: mountain cedar~e. red cedar~pinchot juniper~live oak~american elm~fall elm~pecan~cottonwood~arizona ash~grasses: bermuda grass~johnson grass~perennial rye~weeds: short ragweed~giant ragweed~western ragweed~true marsh~careless weed~redroot pigweed~lambs quarter~common cocklebur~misc: orris root~pyrethrum~ molds: cladosporium~helminthosporium~epicoccum~fusarium~pullularia pullulans~spodylocladium atrovirens~environmentals: cockroach~mite farinae~mite pteronyssinus~cat hair~cat pelt~dog dander

I knew I had my suspicions about those dang pullularia pullulans and I'm glad to know to stay away from those cursed helminthosporiums. (Insert massive eye roll here).

Obviously, I have no idea what any of this meant other than that I was clearly allergic to God's creation.

After amazing everyone with my superhuman allergic powers on the inhalants, we moved onto the good stuff. I was convinced I was going to get my answer for all these years of stomach sadness.

Again, I was numbered down the back, this time 1-51 and she had to be a bit more uh, creative, in finding spots where I was not still welted up from the previous test.

Sure enough after administering all of them the girl said, "Wow."

"Am I allergic to chocolate?"

"Yes."

"I knew it!"

"And...everything else."

"Crap."

Now here's the thing about food allergy tests. There is only a 50% chance that a positive reaction is accurate. So all of the things I had a positive reaction to, I may be allergic to...and I may not. If you'd like a comprehensive list of my positive food reactions...

almond~string beans~cerevisiae~cabbage~celery~chicken~chocolate (BINGO)~barley~egg yolks~egg white~garlic~hops~oat~pea~peanut~pecan~potato~rice~onion~soy~tomato~wheat~ cottonseed~flaxseed~acacia gum~tragacanth~sesame seed~catfish

After discovering all of these reactions this girl pumped me with some medication (just so I didn't go into anaphylactic shock right there on their table) and said, "Well girl, I gotta tell ya, you are impressively allergic."

So glad I impressed someone.

"So what am I supposed to eat?"

"I don't know. Dirt?"

"But it's full of pollen."

"Oh yeah. Okay, I got nuthin."

The doctor came in and informed me that I was an "excellent candidate" for allergy shots and that he was recommending I start with them at 3 times a week.

"Okay that's fine whatever. What about all these food allergies? Don't you think at least one of them is accurate and is causing my stomach problems?"

"It is a good possibility."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"Well, normally I tell people to take everything that they're allergic to out of their diet and gradually reintroduce stuff until they find the culprit."

"Soooooo...?"

"I'm not sure what to tell you."

(insert my dumb look)

"I'll give you a website to check out and I guess just take out certain groups of food. But you have to take them out for 2-3 weeks at a time to get an accurate idea of whether or not they're affecting you."

"Fantastic. So I'll be allergy testing myself for roughly the next year."

To make a long story longer, I did go to the website and found out that different foods cause different symptoms so a few of the things I had a reaction to I can almost rule out because I'm not experiencing those symptoms. But one of the major stomach issue foods is wheat. I had tested negative for celiac disease so I assumed I was in the clear there. (Whew. What would a life without bread and cake be!?) False. Celiac and wheat allergy are not the same thing. News to me. I may very well be allergic to wheat.

So for the next 2-3 weeks I will be gluten/wheat free. I will be one of those health food aisle lovin', Central Market shoppin' weird Austinites who can't consume wheat flour.

I'll keep you posted on my journey.

For now, let me just say...these things don't happen to normal people.

Christmas 2010

2011-01-07T06:49:00.000-08:00

To the New Year

2011-01-04T07:00:00.000-08:00

Let's start by getting the elephant out of the room. Yes, I have taken a very extended break from the blog world. But for a very specific purpose. I was turning my blog into an actual book! I made the books as gifts to my parents and while it was so fun to do, it was also time consuming. Most of my spare moments were spent working on them. They turned out really well though and I am excited and much more motivated to be consistent in my blogging this year.

That being said, let's move on to the New Year. And yes, I acknowledge I'm four days late.

As a new year rolls in, I've noticed that people tend to fall into one of two camps. They either reflect well on the year behind them. Or they focus on the year ahead.

I've never been much of a looking back person. If something doesn't get journaled about in the moment, it rarely gets recorded at all. There is great value in being able to reflect on the past well, but I just don't have it. At least not when it comes to recent past. I do better with things that are years and years old. Regardless, what I'm trying to say is that I'm not going to reflect on 2010. It was a great year and a hard year and God showed up in some of the biggest ways I've ever seen Him. But now is the time to keep walking on.

2011 has the potential to bring about great big change. Changes that could be amazing and scary and will cause me to rely on God in completely new ways.

It also has the potential to have life continue on the way that it has, not much changing circumstantially, but allowing me to find joy in the quiet stillness of Jesus' arms.

Either way, I'm game. God will decide what tomorrow is going to bring and I have absolutely no idea what it's going to be. No matter what, with Him, it's never anything short of an adventure.

That being said, although I don't make "resolutions" I do think it would be fun to think through some things I would like to see happen just for myself. If they do, they do. If they don't, they don't. Some of them may be completely out of the realm of possibility. And that's okay. Others I may get done today. But I am excited when December 31, 2011 rolls around to see what's been accomplished.

So here's a rough list of things that I want to do, just for myself:

read the whole stack of books that's on the bottom of my bookshelf~pray every day for humility~get my camera fixed~delete 100 emails a day from my inbox until i have less than 300~pay off 3 credit cards~blog at least 3 times a week~take a photoshop class~memorize the history of redemption~make it to the new testament in my chronological bible reading plan~go camping~visit the mountains in north carolina~see the piland family in real life~pray extensively, every day, for at least one person other than myself~give away all clothes that i don't wear regularly~send a letter or package to someone different every month of the year~journal at least 2 times a week~learn how to recreate my blog~go gluten free for 3 weeks to see if a wheat allergy is what is causing my stomach problems~tithe~do my quiet time every morning before work~take a dance class~love the heck out of the people around me, and pay attention to how to love each individual person best~go home to st. louis for a weekend, just because~hang more pictures on my wall~learn how to do one new crafty thing~read the whole chronicles of narnia~spend more time with my middle schoolers and celebrate their last year of middle school well~cook a new recipe every week~go somewhere beautiful and watch the sun rise or set~start walking regularly~invest in a specific community of people at abf~pray frequently for the girls i mentor and develop a bold friendship with them~be more observant of and thankful for the small, easy to miss blessings in my life

That's a start...more likely to come later. Happy New Year friends!

Wrapping Up October

2010-11-01T13:27:00.001-07:00

I got to spend a whole weekend with this little princess!

This weekend I drove down to New Braunfels, TX to spend a day and a half with my good friends Kelley, Shannon, Keith and S&K's sweet little one Lily. Kelley and I worked together at camp in North Carolina and it is ALWAYS fun to reminisce about those days with her. We usually end up laughing. The hysterical, ribs hurt, need to pee your pants kind of laughing. And Shannon and Keith go on about their business like everything is totally normal.

But things that are "normal" in this family aren't necessarily normal for everyone else in the world. That's why I love them so much. Way back in the day I shared on this blog that I was living with 2 opera singers when I first moved to Austin. Well these are the two opera singers. And this is a "normal" car ride...

And this is Lily already learning how to do some major jamming out. She pretty much parties like a rockstar. (Sorry it's sideways)

And with a trip to the pumpkin patch I got to play with the camera a little bit! SO much fun. :)

Like I said...jamming. That's just what she does.

Pumpkin Carving

2010-11-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

Seriously? What is there to NOT love about middle schoolers? They're totally normal. I mean c'mon...who doesn't love a good laughing contest?

And who else could you count on to love a pumpkin with a face like this and even name it Jeffery? Oh and that little slice on the side of his head was because he got dropped. But no worries. He survived. (On a side note...this pumpkin had a serious case of the runs. Has anyone else ever cut open a pumpkin and found it literally half full of like, juice? In all my pumpkin carving years I have never quite seen what came out of poor Jeffery. And after we dumped him out, he continued to produce juice as he was being carved. So weird.)

Seriously I just love these girls and I loved the opportunity to help them carve their pumpkins! Also loved that our lesson was about how we are like pumpkins. Full of junk and sin. Then a holy and gracious God comes along and gets that out of us, makes us a new creation and places His light in us to shine so that all can see our new selves!

A Moment

2010-10-29T15:31:00.001-07:00

Brought to you by: these things don't happen to normal people

Yesterday I was covering the front desk at work. The phone rang. I answered it.

Me: Thank you for calling the Carver. This is Jennifer.
Dude: Hi, uh, do y'all sell carved pumpkins?
Me: I'm sorry what?
Dude: Do y'all sell carved pumpkins or have any that like, uh, I could pick up.
Me: Sir this is a museum.
Dude: Yeah. Okay but like you don't have any pumpkins?
Me: No, sir. We don't.
Dude: Well didn't y'all have like a pumpkin carving thing or something?
Me: Yes sir. Last weekend we had a one day pumpkin carving event.
Dude: So can I come get one of the pumpkins?
Me: We don't have them here any longer. The people who carve the pumpkins get to take them home.
Dude: Oh. All of them?
Me: Yes sir.
Dude: You don't have any that were leftover?
Me: No sir and if we had we would have disposed of them that day.
Dude: Oh. So like if I come up there is there someone that would carve it for me?
Me: No sir. I'm sorry.
Dude: So like, do you know where I could buy something like that?
Me: Buy...a carved pumpkin?
Dude: Yeah.
Me: No sir I'm afraid you are going to be hard pressed to find someone that sells pre-carved pumpkins. They rot relatively quickly after you carve them.

::at this point I start wondering if I'm being punk'd::

Dude: Well I just need a carved pumpkin because I have to take one to work tomorrow.
Me: Well, I know that HEB sells pumpkins. You can get one there and carve it.
Dude: I don't have time for that!
Me: Well, I suppose I won't be of much help then. The only other thing I can think of is to find a friend who has already carved one and jack it from his front porch.
Dude: Oh. Okay. Well, bye.

Stunning.

2010-10-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

I have no words.

...except that I reserve the right to wear no bra and Chucks when I'm 107.

Happy Feet

2010-10-22T08:28:00.001-07:00

The happiest of happy feet? I has them. :) Thanks to a super crafty buddy of mine.

Enchanted Rock

2010-10-22T07:53:00.000-07:00

Last weekend my precious friend Char and I went to a magical place west of Austin called Enchanted Rock. It was beautiful! We hiked. A lot. For like 5 hours. I left with a sunburn and woke up really sore the next morning. But it was absolutely worth it.

This little guy got hot I guess so he decided this would be a good spot to lay down... Okay really? Doesn't get anymore beautiful than this...
And my favorite part. Finding a great climbing tree and hopping up there to eat lunch. Okay and by "hopping up" I mean sweating, grunting, falling, rolling around, stretching in unnatural ways and getting a few bruises in a few strange places. Oh and laughing hysterically which in fact makes it harder to accomplish the task at hand. Anyone lucky enough to witness that got a show. Oh and second best part? The barefoot kid who climbed about as high as he could in the tree behind me, got scared at the top and decided he was stuck. He yelled down to his dad, "Dad I'm stuck. Help me." Dad, without missing a beat said, "Well I guess this will be a great time for you to enjoy nature." The kid says, "No Dad I'm not kidding. I'm really stuck." And Dad says, "I'm not either. Enjoy the view." And he really did leave him up there. Mom eventually came to the rescue.

I gotta find a man like that to marry...

My Fall: Part Two

2010-10-15T12:28:00.000-07:00

Look who has enjoyed a few little fall pleasures lately...

Pumpkin madness and small towns last weekend, surprise mellowcreme pumpkins showing up on my coffee table and hiking this weekend. Be still my heart.

Jen in 50 Years

2010-10-08T10:07:00.001-07:00

If you don't make it through the whole thing, you HAVE to at least skip to 4:30. I promise it's worth it.

Before the Morning

2010-10-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

This song has been a great encouragement to me lately. Praying it can be an encouragement to you as well...

Morning Rant

2010-09-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

I have to take a moment to just rant for a second...

One of my favorite parts of my mornings is tearing a page off my friendship quotes calendar that my best friend gave me last Christmas. The calendar sits on my bathroom sink and I truly look forward to walking over to it every morning and reading a little bit of encouragement to start off the day. I love that calendar.

This morning though, well, not so much. This morning's quote said this:

"If you want to take an accounting of your worth, count your friends."

What!? I will spare you from knowing who made this quote famous on the off chance that the legal department at the calendar company didn't do their job very well and attributed to it the wrong person, or to the person who made it famous but didn't actually say it first.

It made me so angry and I quickly prayed that nobody who comes across that quote ever takes it to heart.

Because here is the thing about life. Some seasons you will go through and quite possibly not have any friends. Literally. And some seasons you will have made some new friends but they don't REALLY know you and while you enjoy their company, you don't have that soul connection with anybody. Then there will be times when you do have that with one or many people and all seems right in the world.

But there are middle times too. Times when there are people who know you but they're somehow all busy at the same time. Times when you need help but you're too weary to ask for it and even your closest friends can't read your mind. Times when you think you have a friendship with someone but may suddenly discover that it wasn't what you thought. Times when it feels like people are saying what they'll do over and over but aren't really showing up when it comes down to it. Times when you aren't showing up when it comes down to it. Times when people move or drift away from you. Times when everyone is struggling at the same time and no one is really strong enough to carry the other. Times when your friends expect more from you than you can give them and you let them down. Times when you have said the wrong thing and people need time to cool off. Times when you somehow end up at home by yourself every night doing the dishes, doing the laundry, cleaning the house and feeling generally without purpose and everyone seems to have disappeared.

If you look around during those times it would be easy to believe that you don't have any friends. And for heaven's sake if that makes you without worth than what the heck are we all doing here.

But it's not true. Your worth is in NO way wrapped up in how many people surround you on any given day, how many hugs you get or don't get, how many people call to check on you or how many dates with friends you have in your planner.

Because it is simply part of life that friends come and they go. Things change. Others move forward or they stay where they are while you move forward. Time passing allows some friendships to grow colder and some to deepen. Those middle times will pass and people will come back around, or you'll come back around. New friendships will be built.

But there is an everlasting, always stable, constant friend available to all of us and His name is Jesus. He remains and His love for us, His ability to help when we need it, His comfort is ALWAYS present. And that is where you can find an accounting of your worth. Your worth should never be based on something that will change as the wind blows. Instead find it in something that for the rest of your life you can trust. He is true to His word.

I went ahead and tore that page off this morning so that I wouldn't accidentally read it again. And quite thankfully tomorrow's quote was something fantastic about hugs and rainbows and unicorns and puppies and the general beauty of good friends in our lives. And everything felt better again.

My Fall

2010-09-28T09:15:00.001-07:00

Being down here in the South there's a phrase that always makes me laugh.

"Yay it's starting to feel like fall!"

And I have to laugh because my fall feels so different from their fall.

Fall is an incredibly special season that seems to connect with most people's hearts and I think it's because the general environment starts speaking to that somewhat melancholy and peaceful part of our souls. This is especially true for me. While I love all the seasons for various reasons, this one, if I had to pick a favorite, would be it. For me it's where everything seems to slow down a bit, where the world calms down a bit and where I find a certain coziness, a certain connection with Home.

I'm having to relearn that a bit though. The past couple of years fall has seemed a little distant and only gets worse every time I say to my sweet Southern friends, "Y'all don't even know what fall is."

But they do...it carries the same comfort and joys for them. It just looks really different. Most people here are loving their football and bbq and city life as the stifling heat seems to drift away for a time.

My fall though...oh it was special.

My fall is the cold in the air every morning that stays in the breeze throughout the day.

The leaves turning brilliant shades of orange and yellow and red. And crunching under your feet on cold sidewalks when winter starts knocking on the door and they die and drift away.

The frost on the ground every morning that scares away all the little gremlins that ignite my highly sensitive allergies. I love that frost.

Caramel and candy apples. Candy corn. And those mellowcreme pumpkins. Enough said.

Pumpkin everything. Pumpkin bread. Pumpkin muffins. Grammy's pumpkin pie. Pumpkin bars.

And the most important of the pumpkin list. The pumpkin patch. Oh those are the best!

Hot potato soup and hazelnut mochas at St. Louis Bread Co. on chilly Saturdays.

Hot chocolate, a hooded sweatshirt and a good book in the evenings.

Camping and campfires. Hiking, smores, campfire food, sleeping in a tent combined with that cold air and those crunchy leaves. Oh my heart. Forget it. I'm toast just thinking about it.

Folk music and small-town festivals. I don't know why small towns love them some fall festivals, but they are the best of hometown comfort.

Thanksgiving with my family. Watching the Macy's Day parade and drinking hot chocolate first thing in the morning. Running to shower during a commercial break so I don't miss any of the performing acts. Eating brunch together. Talking and laughing, sometimes yelling and scolding. :) Watching movies during the day. Eating leftovers for dinner. And coffee and pumpkin pie for dessert.

I miss my fall a lot this year. Maybe next year I'll try to find a new Southern version for myself or conform to everyone else's...but this year I'm just remembering mine.

The Cost of Discipleship

2010-09-24T10:41:00.000-07:00

Raise your hand if you're stupid enough to not take into consideration the serious gut-wrenching, heart-checkin' you're gonna get when opening and ingesting a book with the title The Cost of Discipleship.

Hands. Raised. Both of them.

Call me a moron. I will agree with you. But it's one of those things that when it hit me around around the 5th word on page 2, I thought, no stoppin' now. Just hunker down and get on with it. Today I made it to page 78 and when I put the book down felt like I needed a drink...and I don't drink.

Okay, it's not really that bad. But I'm just sayin'...it's no walk in the park.

Today's little nugget of a chapter was about the story of the rich, young ruler who according to Matthew 19 rolled up to Jesus and said, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" Jesus tells him to obey the commandments. So the man asks, "Which ones?" Jesus responds by essentially listing the commandments and I can't help but think he might have been rolling his eyes right about now. Then the man says, "All these I have kept. What do I still lack?" And Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

And this part is killer...

"When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth."

This would be the point in which I start screaming at my Bible, "What the heck are you doing you crazy foo'!?! That's Jesus you just walked away from!! Helloooooo! Go back! He's worth it!!"

And then this thought crosses my mind. What if I went to work today and at lunch I walk outside and there's Jesus and He says, "C'mon, follow me." And He just starts walking. In that moment I would have to quite literally walk away from my job, my apartment, my paycheck, my friends, my family, my cell phone to let them know where I'm going, the cat that I take care of who has surely eaten all the food I left for him this morning, the kid across the street that I've been trying to help out lately, my summer camp...all of it. Just quite literally start walking away from it. One foot in front of the other.

Yeah, nope. If I'm being blunt, I don't know if I would do it. I hope that I would. I can trust what the scriptures say, that I would recognize Jesus' voice, and if my heart was assured of who He was and I fell back on the faith that I have that everything He says is true, well then there's a slight chance that I could get my feet moving. But it's so hard to think about it that I really have never sat on it for long enough to trust myself with that.

This is where this book comes in. Where Mr. Bonhoeffer points out how often we frequently just waste time skirting the issue when we know the call on our lives.

"The young man knows the commandments. But such is his situation that he cannot be satisfied with them but wants to go beyond them...Why does he pretend that he has for long been ignorant of the answer? Why does he accuse God of leaving him so long in ignorance of this fundamental problem of life?"

That's what we do all the time right? We wrestle with things we aren't sure about in Scripture. We wait to hear a "call" for a specific mission. We wait for our heart to change, our desire to serve to grow, our joy to come back. We wait for the church to provide us with opportunity, the weekend to be over or our cookies to finish baking. We come up with all kinds of excuses when the Word has already been given. Our call was spoken thousands of years ago.

And then, Bonhoeffer says this, "He [the young man] neglects the unmistakable command of God for the very interesting, but purely human concern of his own moral difficulties. His mistake lies not so much in his awareness of those difficulties as in his attempt to play them off against the commandments of God."

"The only answer to his difficulties is the very commandment of God, which challenges him to have done with academic discussion and to get on with the task of obedience...The one thing that matters is practical obedience. That will solve his difficulties and make him (and all of us) free to become the child of God."

Get on with the task of obedience. Ah sigh...groanmumblewhinegroancomplain.

It's a pretty clear message. Jen, stop sleeping in and get on with the task of obedience. Jen, stop waiting to be held accountable and get on with the task of obedience. Jen, stop waiting until you "feel" like doing it and get on with the task of obedience. Jen, stop waiting for sympathy and empathy and get on with the task of obedience. Jen, stop looking around and get on with the task of obedience. Jen, stop thinking about what is "wrong" in life right now and get on with the task of obedience.

That is my answer to my difficulties. To obey the command of God.

Bonhoeffer goes on to say, "[Jesus] refuses to take those difficulties as seriously as the young man does."

What? That can't be right.

But my heart knows that it is. All these grumblings and questions and doubts are merely stalling on my part and while God loves me immensely, He sees it for what it is. Wasting time pretending to decipher a call that's already been laid out for me in black and white.

None of this means that Jesus' love is any less than it has ever been and in fact quite the opposite. Mark 10:21 says, "And Jesus looking upon him loved him." Jesus desires to help us follow that call because He loves us. And He will be our help when we turn to Him for it.

This alone can be our motivation for taking the first steps of obedience.

Prayer for a friend

2010-09-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

This is Ro. Short for Rogenishia. Sargeant Rogenishia actually. :)

She is a very dear friend and one of the most fun people I've ever met in my life. This girl can put a smile on anybody's face and she has blessed my life in amazing ways in the almost two years I've known her.

Ro is in the Army and left this morning for Iraq. Well, not quite. She left for 3 months of training in the US and then will head to Iraq. Today I ask that you would keep Ro on your heart and in your prayers.

She's got an awesome heart for the Lord and I pray above all things that God would be glorified as she fulfills His call on her life.

We decided that her verse for this trip would be Joshua 1:9. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

I ask that you would pray that over her today and any day that God puts her on your heart!

We love you Ro! Stay strong girl.

Weird...

2010-09-16T14:37:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite blogs had an amazing post today, using the same Scripture I just used in my post, in a completely different context. Exhibit A of why I love, love, love Scripture.

Grace- An Action Word

2010-09-16T13:25:00.000-07:00

Last night I babysat for some precious little ones, one of whom was 5-year-old Jack. Jack has the deepest dimples and the sweetest smile I have ever seen in my life and in no time he'll be charming himself out of all kinds of trouble.

Jack is 5 which means you have to say, "Jack put on your jammies" about 4 times before he stops finding new toys to play with. And reading a story before bed turns into reading 3 stories. And brushing his teeth somehow transforms into showing me his mad mini-guitar playing skillz. It wasn't Jack being disobedient or defiant. It was Jack being 5 years old. That's what they do. They play. Sleep is far from topping their priority list which will be hilarious in 10 years when teenage narcolepsy hits and no one can't get him out of bed.

It's easy with a child that age to say over and over again, "Jack, I asked you to _____ and I need you to do it." It's easy to say, "Jack, I'm not going to ask you once more." It's easy to say, "Jack, I'm going to have to tell your parents if you don't _____."

Last night about 20 minutes after I had left Jack in his bed to fall asleep I heard little shuffling sounds on the ceiling above me. A very quiet trip up the steps, poking my head into his room and saying, "Jack...what are you doing buddy?" was responded to with near paralysis in his tiny body and eyes as big as Ihop pancakes. "I...uh...well, I just wanted to do this puzzle."

Grace. Short word with BIG implications. An idea that many days seems impossible to execute. An idea that makes sense in our heads, but in application is very confusing. I have figured this out though. Grace, for me, is usually doing the opposite of what fear, frustation and bitterness would have me do.

In the big picture it's serving those who have hurt you. It's forgiving when it's easier to be bitter. It's loving those that make you angry.

In the smaller day to day picture it's saying I love you when you'd rather yell I'm angry with you. It's being calm when you want to rage. It's walking back to someone when you'd rather keep walking away.

It's a choice. An action. And if I've figured out nothing else about it, I know this...sitting around and waiting for God to fill you with grace is simply an excuse for not giving it out. Sit and wait to be filled up all you want and while God is certainly capable of supernaturally bestowing it on you, He's probably waiting on you to get up and get your two feet walking toward whoever you need to show it to.

Here's what I know in my life. Every small step I take toward grace, every minor move I've made in that direction, has made BIG changes in my heart and usually in the situation I'm in.
It doesn't mean ignoring what needs dealt with or allowing yourself to get walked on. But it changes how we feel about the situation. It changes how those around us responds to us. And it changes the outcome in major ways.

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us."

~1 John 4:18

Grace removes the fear. It removes the threat of punishment. Grace just loves.

Which is why last night when I looked down at Jack, realized I had an important choice to make, and said, "Would it be okay if I helped you with your puzzle?" his body relaxed, he smiled his big dimply smile and said, "Sure!" Those 10 minutes of him showing me his puzzle completing strategy were the sweetest we'd had together all night.

God gave me the good sense in that moment not to scold or correct one more time. But to love.

And after his puzzle was finished, he was ready to go to sleep. He curled up in his bed, I turned off his light and I never heard anymore little feet shuffling across the floor.

Grace changes things.

Update

2010-09-16T09:59:00.000-07:00

I was going to blog about some other things but realized there might be a few fidgety people wanting to know the "end" of my previous story.

And the end is this: God did not take away my struggle. But He alleviated it through many other provisions and undeserved blessings.

Blessings like this:
1. Car repairs that only cost $670, a great conversation with the mechanic who worked on it and a peace in my heart that he actually cared about me having a safe car without draining my bank account, and a coupon for 20% off my next repairs.
2. A whole uninterrupted day at the coffee shop. So much so that my butt was numb by the end of it. I'm sure that was a little sarcastic humor from the Big Guy. "You sure you want a whole day? You got it, kid."
3. Cards, emails and text messages loaded with encouragement and offers to help if needed. That alone...the blessing of being reminded I'm not alone...was more than enough.
4. And actual, tangible help from the people God has put in my life to do that sort of thing.

Like I said, I didn't have any miraculous, supernatural answer to my prayer. But, a few more little glimpes at the big forest and the beauty that it holds.

My Forest

2010-09-11T09:49:00.000-07:00

Yeah, long time no see from me. I know. I could tell you I've been super busy. And that would be mildly true. But mostly I've been apathetic. Just keepin' it real. Apathetic to certain disciplines in my life that I generally try to keep up such as writing. But I don't feel bad about it.

That being said, there's a lot that's been begging to be blogged about in life and hopefully one day I will succeed. Until then, something has been on my heart this morning.

A few days ago I was trying to remember that proverbial saying...something about seeing a forest and trees...dangit how's it go?

Oh, I can't see the forest for the trees.

Thank you google.

Yes it's true that I, like so many others, tend to lose sight of the beauty of the forest because I'm all hung up in the dang trees.

The first thing that's important to say is that for a long, long time I have been craving time to just sit and read and journal and listen to music outside at a coffee shop. Just uninterrupted time to simply be. That's all I've wanted for months and somehow, I always miss my chance. We'll get back to that later.

Moving on, to be very real and transparent, one of my greatest struggles and sources of pride is about money. I don't crave it. I don't long to be rich. I don't "need" lots of things to be happy. I don't even need to make more than I need to eat and have shelter to be happy.

BUT.

My struggles come in other ways. Getting frustrated that I'm at a job where I don't get paid what other people in my field would get. Getting frustrated that I haven't gotten a raise because the economy is bad. Getting frustrated that I acquired debt in college that I now feel chained to. Getting fearful when unexpected expenses came up. Getting anxious when even the possibility of unexpected expenses come up.

I don't seek material things but I do seek financial security.

Yes, my independent streak ignites when it comes to financial situations and I want to be able to take care of myself.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

About a month ago I came up with a very clear budget and plan that would take me through December and would help me pay off some of that aformentioned debt. And at that time I prayed a very specific prayer, "God please. I beg you. No surprises. Nothing unexpected. Please." It was bold and maybe even selfish, but I asked anyway.

That's why when a few days ago the emergency brake in my car exploded, no really, and a dashboard light started flashing and the brakes started squealing my stomach sank.

Here it comes...the unexpected expense that always happens when I think I have a plan.

So, at 7:00 a.m. this morning I showed up at the car shop I most recently took my car to and asked them to fix a couple of specific things. They called 30 minutes later to tell me that I had about $800 worth of brake work I needed to get done fairly immediately in order for my car to be safe.

There it was. And I did it. I thought, "God, why?" No answer.

I sat in the coffeeshop I was in and let a few tears out, made a phone call for some much needed reassurance and went on figuring out how to make this work. After walking back to the car shop I told them I needed to go home and get my credit card and I'd be back.

On my drive I thought better of not getting a second opinion. I remembered another shop in town that has been great to me and usually gives me a discount. What could it hurt to make sure I'm not being jipped. So I drove on over to them.

The guy took one look at the quote I'd been given and said, "This is outrageous. I can't believe they get away with charging people like this. Let's take a look at it. I think we can do a lot better."

I walked over to a different coffee shop. Thank you Austin for having one of those on every corner and on my way, again I thought, "God, why." And in true Job fashion was responded to with a, "Who are you to ask Me that? Where were you when I created the earth?"

Indeed. Who am I to ask why? To question the great decisions of the One who has never left me in need.

I took a seat at a table outside and started getting fidgety and teary-eyed. I looked at the clock over and over again. Checked credit card limits. Wondered why it was taking them so long. Wondered how long it would be before I could get home. Wondered how long I'd have to sit here before I could just move on with my day.

And while I was busy banging my head against the couple of trees in front of me (a surprise expense and being "stuck" at a coffee shop) I missed the beauty of the forest.

In this current struggle, a previous prayer was answered. The prayer for uninterrupted, unhibited time. Time to journal and write, to read and be. Here I was not only given that gift, I was stuck with it. God made sure that I would utilize it.

My forest.

I don't know how long I'll be sitting here. I don't know how much my final repairs will cost. But I know that in this, a prayer has been answered and somewhere down the road, my other prayers will be answered as well as seen fit by my wise and wonderful Lord. My job is to simply recognize my forest of blessing in the trees of struggle.

With that, I'm going to wander down the road in search of food. And on my way I might beam up a few thank you's that I owe to somebody upstairs.

"I'll sing it when the sun is shining, I will scream it in the dark. You are faithful...when You give and when You take away, You are faithful." {Steven Curtis Chapman}

I love Relevant magazine.

2010-08-27T07:40:00.000-07:00

This is another really challenging gem that I ran across this morning...giving validity to things I've been thinking for awhile and forcing me to look at my own technology habits and start holding myself more accountable.

"To truly understand the purpose and power of a technology we must identify its innate bias. All technologies come with biases that cause users to naturally prefer certain things. The basic bias of facebook updates and Twitter is that it encourages everyone to share whatever is on your mind in real time; it begs for your thoughts at all times. It's a constant reminder to externalize our thoughts. These updates may be profound, but more often they are mostly a twitch of the brain- a mental fidget adding to the static of the universe.

This inadvertently reinforces the narcissism of the digital age. Twitter helps me believe even my most mundane thoughts are now somehow important and need to be shared. It begs me to step out of the stream of experience long enough to record it. The effect is that we are no longer present in any of our experiences. We are living as unpaid journalists who chronicle life as it passes by.

This may seem insignificant. But our presence matters. Our brief but increasingly frequent moments of absence add up. Imagine a father who flickers in and out of a child's life every time he checks his iPhone. He might be there physically, but he may as well be at the office or on a business trip. People can feel our absence. And it is usually a loss. We become digital nomads glancing around the globe, never fully present. It is a ghost-like condition. It diminishes one of God's greatest gifts to us-a body. There is a reason God made us with bodies. There is a reason God became a body in Jesus. The incarnation is about becoming a body to bless the world through physical presence in the lives of others. To hold the hand of those who grieve, to feed and clothe those who are poor, to love those who are alone by being 'with' them. Many of these technologies create a condition of absence in a world desperate for our presence."
~Shane Hipps
Relevant Magazine

Repeating on iTunes

2010-08-25T16:05:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DY1yL9C94Mc

Run Forward~ Audrey Assad
Oh won't you show what you're feeling?
Is it too much to ask that your heart be revealing?
Just a little bit oh just a little bit just a little

I don't think I've ever informed you
I love you desperately even though I only know you
Just a little bit oh just a little bit just a little

Oh how'd we get so disconnected?
My heart is shutting down I just can't let it

So I'll run forward and pray you fall back
Grace will come and clear your path
Yeah I'll run forward and you fall back
Come back

Oh you treat your time like you own it
It's slipping fast away and you're not getting younger
Not even a bit no not even a bit no not at all

This love is a battle we're fighting
You've laid your armor down oh and now I can't find it
Not even a bit no not even a bit no not at all

Oh you took your love for granted

But oh it never left you for a second

So I'll run forward and pray you fall back
Grace will come and clear your path
Yeah I'll run forward and you fall back
Oh I'll run forward and you fall back

You make me afraid
Thank you I've got to thank you
'cause now I know His strength
Thank you I've gotta thank you
So please don't run away oh
Don't run don't run

So I'll run forward and pray you run back
Grace will come and clear my path
Yeah I'll run forward and if you run back
Oh I'll run forward and if you run back
Oh I'll run forward and you fall back

Come back i pray you'll come back my love
Come back and grace will come to clear your path
Oh i'll run forward if you fall back
You come back my love come back

Stirring my affections...

2010-08-25T15:53:00.001-07:00

This was really encouraging and at the same time really challenging to me today. It's from an article in a magazine where Pastor Matt Chandler was asked, "What does warring against sin look like?"

Sanctification here at The Village begins by answering two questions. What stirs your affections for Jesus Christ? And what robs you of those affections? Many of the things that stifle growth are morally neutral. They're not bad things. Facebook is not bad. Television and movies are not bad. I enjoy TV, but it doesn't take long for me to begin to find humorous on TV what the Lord finds heartbreaking.

The same goes for following sports. It's not wrong, but if I start watching sports, I begin to care too much. I get stupid. If 19-year-old boys are ruining your day because of what they do with a ball, that's a problem. These things rob my affections for Christ. I want to fill my life with things that stir my affections for him. After a funeral I walked around the cemetery and found a grave of a guy who died when he was my age. I felt my mortality in that moment and it made me love the Lord. It really did. Some types of epic films do that for me, and so does angst-filled music.

We want our people to think beyond simply what's right and wrong. We want them to fill their lives with things that stir their affections for Jesus Christ and, as best as they can, to walk away from things that rob those affections—even when they're not immoral.

Just so you know...

2010-08-20T15:44:00.001-07:00

Starting tomorrow this is how I will be starting my mornings:

Sweet Video

2010-08-16T16:20:00.000-07:00

So, this is one of those things that I saw on one blog and never watched it. Well then it popped up on another blog and I didn't watch it. Then I saw it on a third blog, unrelated to the first two and was just bored enough that I did. I was quite surprised at how precious it is!

This summer...or even the past couple of years for me...have been like going 90 miles an hour on the highway and now slamming on my brakes. There are times when my heart longs for quiet and solitude and I seek it. There are other times when I don't have much choice. Circumstances are such that alone is a decision I had no part in and I struggle to embrace it.

But either way, it is a gift. A tremendous gift.

Best start to a Friday

2010-08-13T07:59:00.000-07:00

Conversation with this little guy:

Amar: Miss Jen! Miss Jen! Can I have a hug?

Me: Always!

Amar: Where were you?

Me: When?

Amar: When you weren't here.

Me: You mean this morning?

Amar: Yeah.

Me: Well buddy I was at home.

Amar: Don't you work here?

Me: Yes. But I have to go home sometimes.

Amar: *Insert confused look* Oh...Did you see the performance last night?

Me: I did see part of it. Just not the whole thing.

Amar: Why not?

Me: I had plans to have dinner with a friend.

Amar: Oh...I'm going to a party tonight! It's at 6.

Me: Really? What kind of party?

Amar: A birthday party. It's a party for my best friend. It's at 8.

Me: Oh at 8?

Amar: Yep.

Me: What are you going to do?

Amar: Hmm...I don't really know.

Amar is the type of kid that is our shining glory after camp. When he came to us he was just, well, little. He cried often. Got in trouble often. Had difficulty staying engaged. But only in the ways that little kids have those kinds of troubles and you have to teach them something different. He was incredibly difficult to discipline...look at that face and tell me that it would be easy to yell at him. :)

But over the course of camp his incidents became fewer. He smiled much more frequently and he started having fun.

One day he was sitting by a wall crying and I asked him what was up. He told me he didn't have any friends. I said, "Well that's silly. I'm your friend."

"You are?"

I said, "Well sure. And I'm in charge of this shindig right?"

"Yes."

And I said, "Well then I guess you're pretty lucky to have me for a friend." His eyes got all sparkly and I think he actually believed that I was someone important, therefore making him important, for half a second. And that was how he stole my heart. He was one of few kids that we see anymore that is a kid. He's innocent and flaky. He's gullible and imaginative. Most of the kids we see aren't like that anymore.

By the end of our time with him he was a very different kid than who we had started with. He still had his troubles. Like the day I found him in the corner with tears rolling down his eyes and we had this conversation.

Me: Amar, why are you in the corner?

Amar: Because I was singing.

Me: You got in trouble for singing? (Those of you that know me from the way back days will find this statement coming from me quite hilarious and understand why Amar and I get along so well.)

Amar: Yes. The teacher told me to stop but I didn't stop singing.

Me: And why didn't you stop when the teacher asked you?

Amar: ...because I really like singing.

But he was obviously different, more confident and comfortable here. He continued into another camp that we were offering here right after ours was over and it has truly been a JOY to watch him in this camp. The other day during their art class he went to go to the restroom and when he came back through the door of the classroom announced, "So what'd I miss!"

It's those kids who make it really fun. Not because he's going to be on Broadway someday. Although, if he doesn't stop singing all the time his career choices are going to be limited. But because I actually got to witness a change in who he was in a very short period of time. I got to see up close how God used this camp to help him mature and grow. And those are the sweetest memories I could hope for.

On that note, one of our counselors literally just came in and said, "Amar's on a roll again."

:) They just don't know him like I do.

Really interesting article

2010-08-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

This article just seriously frustrated me. Quite luckily one person in there redeemed it. I have added my own commentary as needed. :-P

(CNN) -- Legs covered in skin-toned stockings, her skirt crisp to the knee, Patty Davis slips on the black heels she has shined for the day.

"Got to look good in the Lord's house," she says as she spritzes her neck with White Diamonds perfume and exits her black Lincoln Town Car.

Davis, 46, of Union City, Georgia, has attended African Methodist Episcopal churches since before she could crawl. She sits proudly in the pew every Sunday for service and is among the first to arrive for bible study each Wednesday.

She moves swiftly, with confidence, a weathered Bible clutched in her right hand, the day's passages dog-eared and highlighted. She's the type of woman who can recite scriptures with ease, her love of faith evident in her speech.

"Every day is a blessed day for me," she says. "Jesus is the No. 1 man in my life and any man who wants me must seek me through Him."

The unmarried Georgia native is a committed follower of the Christian faith, striving to live and breathe the gospel in her daily life. Yet, according to relationship advice columnist Deborrah Cooper, it is this devout style of belief and attachment to the black church that is keeping black women like Davis -- single and lonely.

Clinging to the gospel

Cooper, a writer for the San Francisco Examiner, recently made claims on her blog SurvivingDating.com that predominantly black protestant churches, such as African Methodists, Pentecostal, and certain denominations of Evangelical and Baptist churches are the main reason black women are single. Cooper, who is black and says she is not strictly religious, argues that rigid beliefs constructed by the black church are blinding black women in their search for love.

In raising the issue, Cooper ignited a public conversation about a topic that is increasingly getting attention in the black community and beyond. Oprah Winfrey, among others, recently hosted a show about single black women and relationships after a Yale University study found that 42 percent of African-American women in the United States were unmarried.

Big Miller Grove Missionary Baptist Church, a predominately African-American Baptist church in Atlanta, is holding a seminar on the question of faith's role in marital status on August 20.

"Black women are interpreting the scriptures too literally. They want a man to which they are 'equally yoked' -- a man that goes to church five times a week and every Sunday just like they do," Cooper said in a recent interview.

"If they meet a black man that is not in church, they are automatically eliminated as a potential suitor. This is just limiting their dating pool."

The traditional structure and dynamics of black churches, mostly led by black men, convey submissive attitudes to women, Cooper says, encouraging them to be patient -- instead of getting up and going after what they want.

Nearly ninety percent of African-Americans express "certain belief in God" and 55 percent say they "interpret scripture literally," according to the 2009 Pew Research Center study "A Religious Portrait of African-Americans."

Dr. Boyce Watkins, a professor at Syracuse University and advocate for African-American issues, responded to Cooper's article online. Though he applauded Cooper's courage to voice her opinion , he agreed -- and disagreed -- with her.

"I don't think the church keeps black women single," Watkins says. "But I do agree that some black churches teach women that they must only date a man that goes to church regularly."

Watkins, who is African-American and whose father is a Southern Baptist minister, described his interactions with southern women who are devout churchgoers. "I am a male and I know that I will treat a woman well, but I have been rejected many times because I don't thump a bible with me everywhere that I go."

All in the numbers

One of biggest reasons black women are single, Cooper says, is because of a lack of black men in the church. According to the PEW study, "African-American men are significantly more likely than women to be unaffiliated with any religion (16 percent vs. 9 percent). Nearly one-in-five men say they have no formal religious affiliation."

Watkins believes the social structure of the church keeps black men from attending. "Those appealing, high-testosterone guys have a hard time getting into the 'Follow the leader, give me your money, and listen to what I have to say' attitude."

"Many of us have a difficult time submitting to the pastor who is just another man."

The male pastor, Cooper says, is the "alpha male" for many black women. Over-reverence for the pastor - or any religious figure for that matter - creates barriers for the black man, she says, because he feels like he must compete for the No. 1 spot in a black woman's heart.

"It doesn't make you more attractive if your life is filled with these 'other' men," Cooper says. "If they feel like they have to compete, you are not going to be interesting because you're not feeding his ego in the way it needs to be fed." [OMG. That's all I'm sayin'.]

Mark K. Forston, son of a black preacher in Forest Park, Georgia, says some black women "put their pastor on this pedestal and have a large amount of faith in him because he is a living source of salvation."

Sometimes women even focus their romantic feelings on the pastor, says Forston. "Regardless if he's married or not, sometimes human desires will transcend beyond certain parameters and that's dangerous territory. Pastors are humans just like anybody else."

The Rev. Renita J. Weems, a bible scholar who holds a degree in theology from Princeton, strongly disagrees with Cooper about why many black women remain single and says she is reinforcing one message: "It's the black woman's fault."

"To claim that women are sitting in their chair getting heated about watching their preacher strut across the pulpit is illogical," Weems says. "The black church is not a Sunday morning sex drama."

Weems, who is African-American and has written several books on women's spirituality, has her own criticisms of the black church. The literal interpretation of certain scriptures can lead to subjugating women, Weems says. However, positive scripture messages, about love and justice, do exist and can be used to empower women rather than keep them "single and lonely."

Weems says Cooper fails to examine deeper threads. "What the black church does and what religion does is helps you create core values for your life and allows you to see what you appreciate in others.

"The reason why black women who go to black churches are not married is because they are looking for certain values in a man," Weems says. "It is not the church that keeps them single, but the simple fact that good values are lacking in some of our men." [I dont' know who this lady is, but I'm no her side.]

Choose or lose the church

Cooper says her goal is to empower black women. If their strategy for meeting men is failing, Cooper offers two suggestions: Find another church or leave-and go where the boys go: tailgates, bars and clubs.

"Black women need to open their eyes. You want to know the reason why the black man isn't in church? Because he left church to go to the Sunday football game," Cooper says. "Going to these sites is discouraged in the black church because these places are seen as places where 'sin dwells.' But if women are compassionate, as the bible preaches they should be, then they need to be more open about the men they choose to date and where they might meet them." [This is one of the most tragic manipulations of the truth I have ever read.]

"I'm not against religion, or against the church, I'm against women limiting their choices and putting themselves in a box because they do what their church tells them to do," Cooper says.

Weems disagrees. "Telling black women that they should spend their two hours on Sunday elsewhere and drive them away to go to the bar to find a date is not helpful to our communities."

"Black women are the backbones of their community and without them a lot of charitable work would not get done, social justice on the ground would be diminished and outreach to poor people would be severed." [Preach it Sister.]

Patty Davis, the long time churchgoer in Georgia, says all the arguments over what the church preaches miss the point. What truly matters, she says, are women's motives.

"The real question is: What are you coming to church for?" she says. "To feed your spirit? Or your carnal desires?"

The church's effect on the romantic lives of black women cannot be gleaned from a mathematical equation or a select bible passage, Davis says.

"It is a woman's own actions and decisions that will determine the outcome of her love life, not the church's," Davis says. "Because the last time I checked, the church ain't no dating service."

Bubbles of Thought Are Above My Head

2010-07-29T15:49:00.000-07:00

and the bubbles are about blogging.

Like I said in my last post, certain things in life have just seemed a bit...cluttered. Like there's just a lot of stuff. My blogroll has over 1,000 unread posts. I haven't read a facebook newsfeed in days. My email has 7,709 messages in the inbox. The inbox on my phone for texts is full every day.

In the past couple years of life I have made it a goal to live a decently simple life. I drive a simple car that is simply about to die a slow painful death. I live in a simple studio apartment that is simply...tiny. In order to live in a tiny space I am required to never acquire more than a tiny amount of stuff. This all helps keep life, well, simple. It keeps major decisions to a minimum. It keeps me from spending money on unnecessary items. (Well, in theory.) It keeps me from feeling overwhelmed. It helps keep me focused on the more important things.

I've realized that in my return from 6 weeks of being relatively detached from life, my brain has whirred and stirred and felt in complete overdrive and I realized it has much to do with the fact that my online life is anything but simple. It's messy. And now that I'm back in front of a computer for a better portion of the day, I can't ignore it.

So today I started simplifying, beginning with cleaning up the blog reader.

In doing so, I had to check my motivations for reading certain blogs. I couldn't help but wonder on numerous occasions, why was that ever there in the first place? I realized that often I was reading blogs of people that I know only from a distance and reading about their day to day life gave me a false sense of connection to them that doesn't really exist. And sometimes in conversation I would refer to them as if I know them...as if the things I had read on their blog, they had told me personally.

Weird.

So all those kind of blogs had to go. The next thing I realized that much of my blog reading was followed by judgment...I would read things others had posted and assuming their tone of voice, or purity of heart, would have decided that whatever they were thinking or feeling or had written was wrong. Or they were wrong for having published it for the whole world to see.

So any blogs that allowed my heart to feel that way, clouding what I know about (or don't know about) the actual person had to go.

Next on the list were mindless blogs...things that really serve no value other than a good way to waste time.

To be honest, I'm still working on whittling away at the list...still determining which of those that I read will be of value to my heart...which ones will serve to only encourage or edify, or which will help me to keep in touch with or interact with true friends. Friends that I may not see often, or maybe that I do see often. But people that I know and who know me and that I am confident actually want me to know what is going on in their lives.

All of that being said, in my hunt today, I rediscovered two blogs that truly are the example of which I compared all others to. One has an author that I know (but would not say that I am good friends with), the other has an author that I don't know. But what I so love about both of them is that both writers have a way of crafting all their words in such a way that they tell stories about their own lives, but the focus is never on them. The focus is always on glorifying and exalting the Lord. They use their lives as every day examples for what the Lord is showing and teaching them and there's not a post on either one that I've ever read that doesn't teach me something, or make me think about something differently.

I wish mine was like that...it's not. I know that. But I wish it was. Too often this is about me. It's about my stories. My pictures. My ridiculous experiences. And not enough is it about God and His story. But these two ladies have completely changed how I view and think about blogging and I wanted to share theirs with you...they are worth every minute of your time.

Cupcakes, Sprinkles, and other Happy Things
This blog belongs to the lead singer of AddisonRoad and it ALWAYS makes me laugh. And it ALWAYS makes me cry. And everything in between. But most importantly, it helps me fall more in love with the Lord and reminds me of the things that He is doing and the ways that He is working all over this country.

Thoughts From Fabs
This girl works at church and has a wisdom that I have literally never encountered in another female. I was lucky enough to be in one of her classes one time and she blew me away then with the Truth that she speaks and does it every single time she writes a new blog entry. She has a complete and total gift and I sincerely get excited every time I see she has updated...and then I cringe because I know whatever she wrote is going to wreck me out completely.

Happy reading!

Back...with a little bit of randomness

2010-07-29T08:47:00.000-07:00

A few thoughts...

Wow...it's been an awful long time since I've been on here. And most of you who read this know why...

The past 6 weeks of directing Seussical have been some of the most challenging, most exhausting and most blessed that I've had. There's a lot that I've learned but hopefully I'll be able to re-enter blogging land with a bang and get into all that later.

I've discovered yet again how much I really don't like facebook so my sincere hope is that I will invest more time in my blog and little to no time elsewhere. I really don't want to be all wrapped up in other people's lives. Although it is a glorious distraction from my own, I would do better to stick to what's in front of me. That being said, blogs are also a great way to be all wrapped up in someone's life and think that you actually have a relationship with them just because you read what they do every day. This is false. And for that reason I will also be cleaning out my blog reader. =D

It's time to simplify. Things are feeling a little cluttered.

So, to tide you over until I have an opportunity to get to the goods (hint: I'm waiting on really good production photos) here's a little bit of sweetness for your day...

A Common Invisible Barrier

2010-06-24T10:14:00.001-07:00

A precious friend wrote this on her blog a few days ago and it was words that my heart had been feeling for so long and I'd never been able to put together or articulate. I added the italics myself for things that really spoke to me.

I've never been one to be bad about keeping in touch, but I've never been one to be the best at it either. I have learned from moving around a lot that the friendships I don't actually have to "keep up with" are the ones that are meant to stay. The people that I don't have to facebook every now and then in order to keep our friendships going are my community. The people who I can call after 6 months and nothing has changed are the people I can count on. It's the people who call me and say, "Hey, you're on my heart" that are for a lifetime.

That is not to say that the others aren't important...they are. But to chase after keeping up with them quickly becomes a detriment to myself and those that God has put in front of me. I guess I feel like lately I've seen that a lot. And I have to fight feeling the need to keep up with that...I have to not believe the lie that I'm going to get lost in the shuffle if I don't fight for people's time. I have to trust God to keep me where I need to be and give me the community I need most.

Thursday, June 17, 2010
a common invisble barrier...
one of the greatest barriers to community is actually great people. how can i possibly say this? well i have experienced it. i am blessed to work at a church with tons of incredible people who passionately love jesus, live on mission, serve the least of these, care for the orphan and the widow, encourage one another, exhort one another, etc. all that you could want in community. the problem is that there are so many of them. you want to know all of them. you find yourself doing something each night with different awesome people. you may hang out over a meal, or perhaps you are digging into deep conversation, maybe even praying for each other. but it is not consistent enough to really say that you are living life together. and you are not together enough to really live on mission. the danger is that it can feel like community and you can even be encouraged, but it is not true biblical community.

having tons of great people around can be an invisible barrier to community for a couple of reasons. you feel like you have it but you are actually completely missing it. it is not inherently sinful to spend time with people so you do not even see it as a problem. but when you are busy spending time with all of these great people, it is hard for them to know you well enough to know what is going on in your life, much less your heart. they don't really get to know you or get down into the junk of your life with you. until you spend enough time together or experience some stressful situations or conflict, the real you does not often come out. just the well put together you, that most people like.

secondly, if you are spending all of your time, running from place to place being with all these great people, you suddenly don't have the time and energy to live on mission. spending time with all these people may not appear to be bad thing, but it may in fact be the very thing that is keeping you from living out the mission god has called you to. it is deceptive because you are not doing anything bad and you may even experience some growth and encouragement from it. it is an invisible barrier i think many people in our church encounter without even knowing it.

third, when we are busy chasing after the people we really like, we often miss out on the exact people the lord has for our community. sometimes the ones who god will use to grow us the most, sharpen us the most and even encourage us the most, are not always the people we would chose, but they are the people the lord has place around us. if we are always busy hanging out with new people, we will bail on the very ones we are called to be in community with. we will inadvertently become that person who is always looking for something better and is never satisfied.

and one more thing, community changes with the ebb and flow of life (i am currently wrestling with this). sometimes you do not have to move cities for the lord to change your community. life goes in seasons and sometimes, your community goes with it. you have to let go and move forward. not because you do not love those people, but because in order to follow christ, this is what must happen. it will become a hindrance if you still try to keep up with everyone and move forward. you can't put your hand to the plow and look back.

so take a look around you, who has the lord placed in your life for community now? who do you need to be intentional with? who really knows you? who are you not only doing bible study with, but also serving with? who knows you well enough to speak into your life on a regular basis? if you have 50 million friends that you see a couple times a month, i am not so sure you have community

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T13:45:00.000-07:00

To my dad and favorite sled partner...

And to my VERY favorite coach. The one who got kicked out of a soccer game for standing up for his girls to a bad ref. That kind of coach. The kind every girl needs.

To my Grandpa, my friend...the smartest person I've ever known. And to this guy, who is dancin' with the angels today. To his trucker hats, crazy overalls, amazing cookin' and his belly laugh. We miss you Grandpa.

Happy Father's Day to the amazing men in my life. Thinking of you all today.

Just what I needed this morning...

2010-05-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

God Sees

Once upon a time...

2010-05-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

there was a fuzzy caterpillar. But he has nothing to do with the story.

Once upon a time there was a horse named Big Joe.Big Joe had a best friend named Walter.

Big Joe just showed up at a house in Uhland one day and decided that he was never going to leave. Walter just showed up at a house in Uhland down the street's from Big Joe's one day and he decided he was never going to leave either. So Big Joe and Walter became neighbors.

Every day Walter would journey up the road from the house he stays at to visit Big Joe. They would play and frolick and have the best of times. Then every night Walter would meander back down the road to his house.

One day though, two girls took Big Joe for a walk to the other side of Uhland. Walter went to Big Joe's house but Big Joe wasn't there. Walter was very sad but he sat down at the end of his BFF's driveway and waited patiently.

Then, all of a sudden, he saw Big Joe coming over the hill with his two girls! Walter ran and ran and ran and when he got to Big Joe he jumped all over him with excitement! Then they ran away and played in Big Joe's yard until the sun went down. It was the best day ever.
The End.

This is seriously a true story.

The Newest Addition

2010-05-19T13:14:00.000-07:00

A chicken coop out back. And a lot of little chickens.

That rooster there on the other side of the fence just paces back and forth. I guess he's nervous. The one all the way on the right is Roberta and the little black one to the left of Roberta is Aretha. No...really.

Then that thar is a Texas Nekkid Necker y'all...

's called a nekkid necker cuz his neck is all nekkid see? Eww.

These here little ladies are the Golden Girls.

This one is probably Dorothy. I snapped this right before I turned around running and screaming like a tiny girl.

And right here y'all we have what we farm folk call a dingleberry. Look it up.

Oh this is Screech. Because he looks like an owl. No, really.

And this here would be the chicken playground cuz you can't just have chickens runnin' all around without a playground to keep 'em outta trouble y'all.

And so long as ya got a chicken playground you is gonna have happy sunshiney chickens.

(Not pictured are 3 little fellas who were in chicken prison for stirrin' up trouble with the Misses. Also not pictured are a few little other hussies who were set free to go be "Uhland Chickens" with the other delinquents who are always gettin' kicked outta the dance hall. Goin' to be with the "Uhland Chickens" is the worst of all punishments.)

The Uhland Zoo

2010-05-19T12:18:00.001-07:00

One of my most favorite pieces of the Uhland puzzle is the piece that I call the Uhland Zoo. There are critters everywhere and I just adore them. Up above we have who I like to call the 3 Musketeers.

...or the 3 Stooges...

Meet Dee. Sweet, crazy, terrorist Dee. This would be the creature that woke me up at roughly 4 a.m. every day that I lived in Uhland. She would bounce around on my already deflating air mattress, licking my face and running up and down the length of my body. About thirty minutes later she would settle down and curl up in a ball on my neck. We had a love/hate relationship. But I miss her the most.

She's a fierce hunting chihuahua.

Here's Fee. She's fierce too. Well at least when it comes to tiny stuffed cows. Outside of that, she's pretty skittish.

Oh and she's the supermodel of the bunch. See that front leg down there...that's her supermodel pose. Diva.

And then there's Yum Yum. Yummy had a stroke a couple of months ago and although you can't tell it in this picture, she has a hunchback. So she's a bit...fragile. But she's oh so soft.

Oh sweet Yummy Yummy. Oh and she's extremely protective of the foodbowls. I don't know what that's all about.

And another of the usual suspects...Bootsie. Bootsie laughs, says "Hi" and "Roxanne" and screams. She's extremely loud and will literally outlive us all. That's all I have to say about that.

And then...Big Joe. He's smiling for you.

When I rolled up in the driveway in the dark of the night, my headlights caught the eye of this guy. I'm not going to lie. I was a bit concerned. At the worst he was a rabid, viscious, blood-thirsty Kujo type who was going to tear off all my limbs before I got out of the car. At best he was going to grab my flip flop and take off running. Either way...I wasn't looking forward to my options.

I opened the door slowly and here he came, not running, but hopping across the driveway, like a giant 4-legged rabbit. And just as soon as he could get his head into my car, he started covering my arm in slobber. This thing is literally the size of a small pony so I had to do a little budging to get myself out of the car. While I was getting my bag out of the backseat he was bouncing on and around my feet. I am now short two pinky toes and a middle toe on my left foot. But I digress.

As I walked to the house he walked with...well, on...me. The side of his horse body was touching the side of my leg the entire time we walked. Our legs got a little tangled trying to go up the steps, but we both made it out alive.

I watched his sad eyes as I closed the door behind me and yelled, "Hellooooo! Y'all know one of the neighbors dogs is hanging out over here?"

Before I saw any faces I heard, "Oh no, he's ours. That's Joe!"

Ah...Fee, Dee, Yum Yum and Joe. Makes sense to me.

Joe isn't really the brightest star in the sky, and he has no idea that he's a bit oversized, but boy golly is he happy. And really...what else matters.

Back to the Land of Uh

2010-05-16T18:34:00.000-07:00

Oh to my faithful blog readers...to the old timers...to those who have been with me for almost two years. These posts are for you. This is for those of you who remember my one stop sign town where chickens run from the dance hall and inbred dogs named Daisy steal your flip flops. For those of you who remember the armadillo story...this is for you.

Uhland, Texas...how I've missed you.

I went back on Mother's Day weekend. It had apparently been too long since I was there because I got lost on my way. It's not as bad as it sounds though. Since my last trip down, a highway had been built across the road that I take to get there. Leave me alone; it's a bit jarring. So, what is normally a 30 minute trip took an hour and a half. But on the way I had the opportunity to remember the beautiful sunsets I used to see every day on my way home from work.

Then I strolled into "town"...and nothing had changed. Same ol' Uh-land.

Just as...uh...sumthin'...as ever.

And still just as beautiful. Oh...there was one new addition. This gem...

I love Austin, but oh my heart...this is magical.

Lilyfly

2010-05-09T11:19:00.001-07:00

Seriously...if this doesn't cheer your heart up...well, I got nuthin. But she absolutely knows how to work this smile. It's very intentional. :)

A Day for Mi Madre

2010-05-09T11:01:00.000-07:00

To celebrate the beauty, grace, wisdom, love and encouragement brought to my by some pretty amazing women. I miss you...
And you...

And you...

And YOU!

Would give a lot to be able to wrap my arms around any or all of you today! Happy Mother's Day...I love you all!

Just thinking today...

2010-05-06T16:31:00.000-07:00

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west-
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

What unfortunate truth there is in this tiny little poem, the most striking part being about flattering those we scarcely know. How quick we do this! So many of us go above and beyond to love well the people who barely know us. And while it could be admirable, I can't help but wonder if we do it for all the wrong reasons...

And it's in the comfortability and safety of those trusted and extensive friendships that we show who we really are...

I can't help but think of a very few people (like, 2) that I know who came off as reserved or even standoffish when I met them, but oh how they blossomed as our friendship deepened. While it seems backwards, maybe they've got it more figured out.

Maybe it's that the flattery and the attention and the great love and care for the friendship that belongs to those closest to them is going where it should. Not being taken for granted in the deep friendships and being thrown out like candy at a parade to strangers.

Just something I'm thinkin' through today after reading this little poem. :)

At Just That Point in History

2010-05-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

We believe that the death of Christ is just that point in history at which something absolutely unimaginable from outside shows through into our world. And if we cannot picture even the atoms of which our own world is built, of course we are not going to be able to picture this. Indeed, if we found that we could fully understand it, that very fact would show it was not what it professes to be-the inconceivable, the uncreated, the thing from beyond nature, striking down into nature like lightning. You may ask what good it will be to us if we do not understand it. But that is easily answered. A man can eat his dinner without understanding exactly how food nourishes him. A man can accept what Christ has done without knowing how it works: indeed, he certainly would not know how it works until he has accepted it.

We are told that Christ was killed for us, that His death has washed out our sins, and that by dying He disabled death itself. That is the formula. That is Christianity. That is what has to be believed.

~C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I'm in Diva mode...

2010-04-30T13:52:00.001-07:00

but I'm totally in love with this arrangement of this song. Oh, and that Kristin Chenoweth is singing it...

An Apathetic Blogger...

2010-04-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

Oh how I would love to be someone that keeps up with this thing better than I do. But my blogging quantity and quality is entirely at the mercy of my mood. That's unfortunate on weeks like this and may very well be the reason that the good Lord did not call me to be a professional writer. Yet.

(...my people and His people are still in discussion about that).

Monday...oh Monday. You know how people say, "I hate Mondays." I never was one of those people. Monday is just another day. But this past Monday made me rethink that. And I discovered that it's not so much that people actually hate Monday...it's just a good excuse for having a bad day, and a good reason to hope that the next day will be better.

So on Monday, I said, "I hate Mondays," and sincerely believed this automatically meant Tuesday would be better.

Well that's hilarious because for some reason Tuesday did not get better. And my boss said, "This is a horrible week."

I was like, "You know it's only Tuesday right?"

And then today I thought, "Yay it's Wednesday!" And much to my dismay Wednesday is apparently as grouchy as Monday.

So...my boss has taken to calling this week "Hell Week" and we have resigned ourselves to just hunkering down and holding tight for the next two and half days. My Bible has been open next to me all day and my boss laughed, said that was a great idea and that she was going to go get hers out of her car.

My grace with others this week is nonexistent.
My hope for better right now is waning.
My love for mankind is shrinking at a rapid pace.
My joy in what I do was gone by 10 a.m. Monday morning.

BUT...

then there's that voice that won't go away.

That voice that says, "MY grace is sufficient."
That voice that says, "Hope in ME. I have never failed."
That voice that says, "I AM LOVE. And if you abide in Me, you've got all the love you need."
That voice that says, "Get out of bed. You've got a job to do. And your joy will be found in My calling for you."

And as I find my heart restless and my mind weary and my emotions failing and my body tired, somehow, it's just that voice...the loudest whisper I've ever heard, the only whisper that can clear out all the other noise.

The whisper that says, "I am here."

Whaaaaaat...

2010-04-22T14:49:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth Gilbert

2010-04-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

I was genuinely surprised at the amount of truth that can be taken from this video...

Weekend Update

2010-04-12T07:49:00.001-07:00

Oh my heart...meet Dennis. This kid...I don't even know what to say. Well, he's the best salesman that you'll ever meet (notice the perfectly positioned CD he was trying to sell in the photo). But it has more to do with a smile the size of Texas than anything that he actually says. Friday night, Andrea and I went to see the Mwangaza Children's Choir. I have no words...

Conversations that last 3 1/2 hours before you even realize what happened? Yes, please. That up there would be me, minus my voice. But it was SO worth it. Loved. It.
San Marcos with my girl Cristina! Such a sweet time to catch up and laugh with a precious friend.
Kells Bells. :) Doing our normal...dinner and a coffee shop and finding the funny in every little thing.
And then some of the delight that Char and I fell upon on our camping trip Easter weekend. Thank you Photoshop. :)
Precious time spent with precious people does my heart well...

Waiting On God

2010-04-08T08:28:00.000-07:00

Psalm 88

"O Lord, the God who saves me,
day and night I cry out before you.
May my prayer come before you;
turn your ear to my cry.

For my soul is full of trouble
and my life draws near the grave.
I am counted among those who go
down to the pit;
I am like a man without strength.
I am set apart with the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
who are cut off from your care...

From my youth I have been afflicted
and close to death;
I have suffered your terrors and am
in despair.
Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.
All day long they surround me like a
flood;
they have completely engulfed me.
You have taken my companions and
loved ones from me;
the darkness is my closest friend."

I left out some pieces in the middle of that...but let me tell you, what I left out is darker than what's there. I didn't take out the part that speaks to hope and peace and light.

A man named Heman felt this way at some point and wrote his cries to God. I would venture to say we all feel this way at some point. And God in His grace allowed this to be in the Bible that we may see that these feelings will come...thousands of years later, what I'm feeling, what you're feeling, isn't anything new.

"What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done
again;
there is nothing new under the sun..."
Ecclesiastes 1:9

A sweet friend, at the leading of the Lord this morning, said, "Maybe all this is just about waiting on God."

In Isaiah 38, a man named Hezekiah became extremely sick and was told by Isaiah (a prophet) to get his house in order because the Lord said he was going to die, and soon.

"Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, 'Remember, O Lord, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.' And Hezekiah wept bitterly."

Waiting on God.

Though our hearts and our heads believe in the hope of eternity, trust in the promise of God...waiting on those promises isn't easy. Waiting can be painful.

This same friend then reminded me of Peter. Peter who had an extremely close relationship with Jesus. Like...BFFs. Peter who denied ever having known Christ and then had to watch him die.

Peter had to wait on God.

And I can only imagine how excruciating that wait was. After all Christ had done for him, taught him, and how he had loved him, Peter said he didn't know the man. And then he had to watch him die the most painful, drawn out death one could endure.

Jesus died. And he didn't immediately rise as I'm assuming many hoped that he would. For three days, Peter had to live with that. Live with the pain. Live with the tears. Live with restless sleep. Live with anxiety. Peter had to wait.

For three days, God simply made him wait.

Even Jesus had to wait. Jesus knew what was coming to him. He knew he was going to die. He knew what kind of pain his body was about to experience. And in the time shortly before that, he went to a place called Gethsemane and it says he began to be, "deeply distressed and troubled." In his own words, he said, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death..." But God didn't expedite the process because of the pain of anxiety and fear. Jesus fully experienced every minute of those days.

Waiting on God. It isn't easy.

We can wait to be healed. We can wait to know the answers. We can wait to find joy. We can wait to die. We can wait to be with our family again. We can wait to be with our friends again. We can wait for peace to come. We can wait for hope.

And as we wait it may hurt. We may be afraid. We may be anxious. We may cry. We may even laugh. We may end up moving a blanket and a pillow to the couch in the middle of the night to watch The Golden Girls. We may eat frozen pizza and coke for dinner. We may isolate ourselves or distract ourselves. We may look at pictures or we may tear up pictures. We may listen to sad music or we may listen to happy music.

But as we wait, we can turn to the promises for those who are called to it...

"Since ancient times no one has heard,
no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait
for him."
Isaiah 64:4

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
he rises to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!"
Isaiah 30:18

God only asks that as we wait, we wait for Him.

In a moment I cannot even fathom, the waiting was over. And the Lord reappeared to Peter who literally threw himself out of the boat he was in to swim to shore. Although it doesn't say this in the Bible...I don't imagine that you throw yourself out of a boat without swimming as fast as you can, to run as fast as you can, to throw yourself at this man and embrace him with fervor you've never experienced before.

And Hezekiah was given 15 more years to live.

And Jesus...well, we all know what happened there. :)

How we wait doesn't matter so much as that we do. I don't know much about birds, don't really even like them. But I've heard that eagles use the wind to fly. The stronger the winds, the higher they fly. They use the force that's coming against them...

"...but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:31

Waiting on God. It isn't easy.

But it's worth it.

2010-04-07T16:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. God,
I’m writin’ You today
Because it seems like lately
I’ve forgotten how to pray
I know I don’t need this pen
But everybody likes to get
A letter now and then
I’m sorry for not writin’ more

‘Cause I need you
But it’s hard to see
Why anyone as big as You
Needs anything from me
I know You’re there
So how ya been?
I’m alright but I can’t lie,
Sometimes I feel like givin’ in
You’re all I’ve got

Dear Mr. God,
Sometimes I wish
You lived next door
So over coffee You could tell me
What You started all this for
I guess you saw
That sunrise yesterday
Thanks for the reminder
That You’re never gone away
It gives me hope
Telling You what You already know

I need you
But it’s hard to see
Why anyone as big as you
Needs anything from me
I know You’re there
So how’ve You Been?
I’m all right but I can’t lie
Sometimes I feel like givin’ in

Dear Mr. God,
Tell me do You ever cry
When we forget to thank You
For the good things in our lives?
I know I can’t always understand
Why You do the things You do
But I know in the end
I’ll make it through
If I stand next to You
So here I am

Dear Mr. God,
I’m writin’ you today
Because it seems like lately
I’ve forgotten how to pray

~The Warren Brothers

Healing is in Your Hands

2010-04-07T15:09:00.001-07:00

Things I've Pondered Today...

2010-04-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

That I'm really glad the bruise from running square into a wall isn't bigger. No bruise, no questions, no telling people that I ran into a wall.

Why it's here and when it'll go away. And what kind of damage it will do until then.

Why I thought it was a good idea to wipe yogurt off my black pants and blue shirt with a white Kleenex.

What I'm not trusting about God and His promises.

Why the cards that have the perfect front say the stupidest things on the inside.

Why I can't go live in a forest for the rest of my life. (I already have at least one answer for this one.)

That Subway would be a delicious and free lunch since I have a gift card.

If the fact that I'm standing at the Subway counter and can't find my gift card solidifies today as being "one of those days."

Where my Subway gift card went.

Why Subway has THE BEST chocolate chip cookies. Ever. I don't care who your grandma is or what "secret family ingredient" she uses.

If God is listening.

If Ruth got her cast off today.

When I'll be up to putting the camping gear away.

When I'll go camping again.

If somebody, somewhere has Biblical community figured out.

What it would be like to be a Roman soldier and have Jesus tell you that He's never seen faith like yours. Whoa.

Why the end of my nose has been cracked and peeling for 4 days. Whatintheworld.

That Kara Dioguardi singing Terrified is better than Katherine McPhee.

That Kara Dioguardi should maybe just record all of her songs instead of turning them over for other people to sing.

The Attack of the Zombies

2010-04-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

The Attack of the Zombies
Why Community and Belonging are Hard to Construct
April 5, 2010

Andrew Root
Note: This article is an adaptation of chapter three of The Promise of Despair: The Way of the Cross as the Way of the Church (Nashville: Abingdon, 2010). This excerpt was extracted and edited by Jonathan Davis.

Preface: In conversations about the future of youth ministry or the need for the church to attend to young adults, it is almost universally asserted that community is essential. In other words, both what younger people need and what the church must recover is not its moral superiority, its religious purity, or its denominational loyalty, but rather, local congregations must shape themselves into communities. I’m all for this! I actually think that there are significant theological reasons for it. However, I tend to think it is easier said than done. In this excerpt from my new book, The Promise of Despair, I explore the difficulty of creating community in late-modernity. I call most of our experiences of community short-lived and risky. In other words, I think that the reality of death (or what I call “the monster”) has ways of encountering us through our many frayed experiences of community in our society.

I was only four or five years old, and I remember vividly having free rein. I remember being blocks away from home with no adults present, hanging out with other children. I remember walking to the nearby junkyard and hauling back old rusted metal and nail-filled boards to build an airplane. I remember darting out of the house to roam freely, exploring all sorts of dangerous things in our newly built suburban neighborhood that was still surrounded by farmland and old silos. I was five and had free rein. And it wasn’t that my parents were negligent; there were kids everywhere, filling this neighborhood of starter houses. And we all were free to ride our bikes streets away. We were free to go as far as yelling distance.

My son is quickly approaching five, and I simply can’t imagine allowing him to do the same. I can’t imagine my five-year-old being blocks from our house, with no adult nearby to watch him. In conversation with my friend one day my unease was confirmed. He explained how busy life is with two children ten and eight. “Most of my life is driving them from one play date to another; from lessons to practices, our calendar is packed. It’s not like when we were kids, when we could roam, when we were told, ‘Just don’t cross that busy road or go through the park, and be home by 5:00.’ ”

Why in the last few decades have we shifted from kids free to roam our neighborhoods to kids needing to be under constrained supervision, even within the parameters of organized play dates? I think it has everything to do with the fact that we don’t know our neighbors anymore. The last three decades have not become more dangerous, but they have become riskier, not because the world is suddenly flooded with pedophiles, burglars, and child abductors, but because we have lost more and more civic or communal connection to each other. Truth be told, I not only don’t know most of the people in my neighborhood, I only know a few folks on my own street. If my son were blocks away, most people would have no idea who he was and where he belonged. The world is not more dangerous, but it has become riskier because communal belonging has died.

FROM COMMUNITIES TO INSTITUTIONS
For most of human history our social lives were organized by communities and the traditions and rituals that they upheld and protected. But modernity, for good or ill, has freed us from this fundamental need for community. We turned over the job of ordering our social world from communities to institutions. It is institutions, and not communities, that we depend upon. It is institutions that don’t know my name (most know me as number) or my story (only my balance or record) that I have built my life around. It seems that I can live without my parents or friends but not without my ATM card, driver’s license, and Internet access. I can live without knowing anything about my great-grandparents but I must know my Social Security number and credit rating.

Or to put it more pointedly, who would take care of my family if I died in the next few years? Who would make sure my mortgage was paid and my wife had money to maintain her life? Not my community, not my church, not even my extended family. They may all help, dropping off a casserole and offering a shoulder to cry on, but their job, we assume, would be emotional support. No, if I died it would not be a community that would take care of my kids and wife; it would be an institution, the insurance company I’ve been paying to provide for them if the monster of death takes me sooner rather than later. For most of human history this was the work of the community: widows and orphans were to be cared for by uncles, aunts, and neighbors. Their emotional, but most fundamentally their basic financial and material, needs were the responsibility of those who knew them and were part of their story. This was not easy and I’m sure a burden, but it was dependable and communal.

ZOMBIE INSTITUTIONS
What do we do, and what is our future, when institutions (i.e., insurance companies, various governmental agencies) continue to show us they cannot always be trusted to care for anything other than their own survival? Most of our institutions are what Ulrich Beck calls “Zombie institutions.” 1 They are still moving and breathing, but they have become more haunting than helpful because they are more dead than alive. Standing in late modernity there is more than a little despair knowing that we cannot go back to the tradition-based community, but that the institutions of modernity are ghouls.

As in all good horror movies, what zombie institutions do (and this has great relevance for those who work with teenagers) is infect all of our places of belonging, striking them with the scent of death. Institutions no doubt bring people together (many of us met our spouses in college), but the institution’s primary objective is not to form deep communal connection but to bestow a degree, make money, or keep order (depending on what kind of institution it is). Once it has fulfilled its task or is kept from doing so, the connections we have built through the institution are over, and if they are to continue they must take on a new form.

For instance, at my school (Luther Seminary) there was a group of six young women who met the first week of their first year. They became deep friends, creating a rich community of belonging. They ate together every Sunday night, shared in each other’s pain and tragedy, and celebrated with every joy. They created a deep community that changed each of them. And this community had its genesis in the fact that an institution, our school, had brought them together. They would never have known each other, or shared life together so deeply, if not for Luther Seminary. Luther’s apartment building became their sanctuary of meeting, their place of prayer and conversation. Without the institution there would have been no deep community of belonging (and their community was deep).

But something happened as the first semester of their final year was coming to an end; you could see it on each young woman’s face. Their community was given a terminal countdown. They had deep community, but beyond the will of each of them, it was going to end; one more semester and it was over. For the next four months they mourned. They had grown together so much, loved each other so deeply, but with graduation it would be over. Sure, they would remain friends, still to this day meeting in Las Vegas or other places to reconnect, but now more as a reunion than a community, now more to catch up than to bear existence with each other. The institution had brought them together, giving them the space to form deep community, but that was not the institution’s primary objective. So just as the institution giveth community, it taketh it away. The implications here for youth ministry are obvious, as graduation and the call of other institutions always seems to bring the youth group’s community to an end.

THE EXPIRATION DATE OF COMMUNITY
Almost every community we form in late modernity comes with an expiration date. You can have deep belonging, but this belonging comes with an either explicit or implicit ending. We can have deep belonging, but once one of you has a child, everything changes; once you get a promotion you will move; once you have finished your basement you will no longer need your help group. There are many places and many options to form community, but almost all of them come with the warning label, “This belonging is belonging until further notice.” There is death in the marrow of our communities.

COMMUNITIES’ SECRET SAUCE: OBLIGATION
Why is this? Why is rock solid community impossible for us? Because solid community is based on obligation, and obligation is a dirty word for those of us living in late modernity. Community cannot be community where individual free will is king. Community demands that I give up my own freedom for the good of the group. Therefore, lasting community asks that I see myself obligated to these people (my belonging is deeper than my job, education, place of residence, or personal identity—I choose the community over it). But we don’t see things this way; rather, we expect our communities not to come before these personal things, but to serve us by enhancing them.

When it is solely my free will to choose a community there is the great benefit that I feel that it is mine, that it is part of me. But in the end there is nothing keeping me there but my sole choice. If at any time my preference, style, or taste changes, I’m gone. Community throughout history has been based on the necessity of obligation. In late modernity, we are trying something never done before: we are trying to have belonging in community based not on obligation but on feelings. I’m in community when I feel it! These feelings give me great desire and wonderful experiences; the problem is, of course, that feelings often fade.

I can’t choose community like I choose my favorite coffee shop. I choose my favorite coffee shop because I like the atmosphere, the people seem interesting, and the coffee is good. I don’t feel obligated. If the décor changes or I switch from coffee to smoothies, I’m under no obligation to remain loyal. Our communities may feel like places where we really belong, but they are very easy to move on from, because they are based in our preference and taste, not in obligation. I like that I can easily choose in or out. But what happens if the monster of death gets me? What happens if I become so maimed that I become a burden to the community? What happens if those ravaged by seeing the monster face-to-face, those suffering from schizoid episodes, fill our communities? Will we stay? Will the community still exist? Or in other words, can a group of people face death even in the pits of hell and remain together? What will keep them together? Preference, taste, and style are no match for the monster of death.

THE CHURCH AND COMMUNITY
Community has become a buzzword within the church; it is one of the essential marks of the emergent church sensibility. We have realized that in our world we must be more about community than denominational bureaucracy, more about places of belonging than places of airtight doctrine. This is all good and right, except that we have rarely explained what we mean by community and what it is that will keep us together. Is it the music? The preaching? The location? The children’s ministry? The people? I presume we would say the people, but what about the people? That they’re cool? Interesting? What in the end holds the church together? In a world without obligation it would be hard to force community to be formed around obligatory structure. In the end, for the most of us, community is just about the feeling of belonging. But, again, feelings fade.

I wonder if there are not many who would love to be in community, who enter our buildings or meeting areas and feel nothing, who have been so beaten up by life and experiences of death that they feel nothing. I wonder if there are not many who see us in our moments of community worship and community fellowship and wonder if we have really dared to see and admit how alone we really are and how deeply painful loneliness is. Psychologists say that patients have the hardest time talking about loneliness because loneliness is the closest feeling to the annihilation of death.

Church is about community, we say. But does the church and its packaging of community simply hide us from what is truly deep inside of us? We have shouted to the world that church is about community; the church of the future will not be about institutions or doctrine but about being together. Maybe we should be shouting, with so many others in world, that we are lonely, that we are alone, that death kills all in our communities and we are scared. Maybe the world does not believe because we have offered personal options for community instead of belonging in a community that knows and speaks of the despair of loneliness. Maybe the only way to form a community that can withstand preference, style, and taste (and the institutional failures we confront) is not to base it on feelings of togetherness but on naming and bearing the despair of our shared loneliness.

Action Points•How do you define “community”, and how does your church and/or youth ministry define “community”? Take some time to consider how Andy’s reflections on our culture’s understanding of community interact with those definitions.
•In your opinion, what is community based upon? If you were to ask your students that question, what do you think they would say?
•What can we do about the tendency to put “expiration dates” on our expressions of community? If youth ministry by its very nature has an expiration date (e.g., high school graduation), how can we facilitate “real” community—both within the youth ministry and beyond it—that can last beyond expiration dates?
•What communities have most shaped you? What can you learn from these communities that could have a positive impact on your youth ministry community?

To read more see The Promise of Despair: The Way of the Cross as the Way of the Church (Nashville: Abingdon, 2010).

It's Okay to Cry

2010-04-05T13:42:00.000-07:00

by: LaRue

God will save you, boy
You just have to believe
That beautiful things will come from broken times
Just like these, just like these

God could save you, girl
In this desert time of need
Just lay your ashes down
In hope of what you'll receive, you'll receive

And it's OK to cry, it's OK to cry
It's OK to wonder why
And as your tears fall down, they heal the ground
A place that once was dry
It's OK to cry

God will save us now
Let His presence bring us peace
Lay your burdens down
Let them fall at His feet

The fears are great in your mind
Your heart just aches for a sign
But there is hope and there is grace
In these gray skies

It's OK to cry

Monday's Fabulous Moments

2010-04-05T11:15:00.001-07:00

1. Early morning text messages.
2. Scripture that just comes to mind. Scripture like this:

12"Yet even now," declares the LORD,
return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
13 and rend your hearts and not your garments."

Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
and he relents over disaster.
Joel 2:12-13

Even now...Like God saying, no. matter. what. Just come back.

3. White bread peanut butter sandwiches.
4. This goodness:

"You're a single lady ok!? Ok?"

2010-04-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

This is a video that you have to watch at least 3 times. The first time...watch Losiah, the entire time. (The kid in the car seat.) The way he goes crazy when Single Ladies starts. The second time don't do anything but watch the girl all the way on the left. The one who is all mothering and caring. The third time, ONLY watch the girl in the middle. AHAHAHA. It is priceless. She's got this look that's all, "Oh. Dad. I know you di'nt just tell Losiah he's not a single lady."

It is also crucial to watch Losiah when his mom asked him if "that hurt his feelings."

Yes...yes it did.

Way to mess me up, Francis...

2010-03-30T13:55:00.000-07:00

Are You a Good Christ?
By Francis Chan

I think it's time we stop asking ourselves the question: "Am I a good Christian?" We live in a time when the term "Christian" has been so diluted that millions of immoral but nice people genuinely consider themselves "good Christians." We have reduced the idea of a good Christian to someone who believes in Jesus, loves his or her family, and attends church regularly. Others will label you a good Christian even though your life has no semblance to the way Christ spent His days on earth. Perhaps we should start asking the question: "Am I a good Christ?" In other words, do I look anything like Jesus? This question never even entered my mind until a friend of mine made a passing comment to me one day.

Dan is a long time friend of mine. In fact, he's the pastor who performed my wedding. He was talking to me about a pastor named Von. Von has been working with youth in the San Diego area for decades. Many of his students have gone on to become amazing missionaries and powerful servants of God. Dan described a trip to Tijuana, Mexico with Pastor Von. (Von has been ministering to the poor in the dumps of Tijuana for years). Dan didn't speak of the awful living conditions of those who made their homes amidst the rubbish. What impacted Dan the most was the relationship he saw between Von and the people of this community. He spoke of the compassion, sacrifice, and love that he witnessed in Von's words and actions as he held these malnourished and un-bathed children. Then he made the statement that sent me reeling:

"The day I spent with Von was the closest thing I've ever experienced to walking with Jesus."

Dan explained that the whole experience was so eerie because he kept thinking to himself: "If Jesus were still walking on earth in the flesh, this is what it would feel like to walk alongside of Him!" After that discussion, I kept wondering if anyone had ever said that about me-"The day I spent with Francis was the closest thing I've ever experienced to walking with Jesus." The answer was an obvious "no." Would any honest person say that about you?

What bothered me was not that I hadn't "arrived," but that I wasn't even heading in the right direction. I hadn't made it my goal to resemble Christ. I wasn't striving to become the kind of person who could be mistaken for Jesus Christ. Isn't it ironic that a man can be known as a successful pastor, speaker, and CHRISTian even if his life doesn't resemble Christ's?

1 John 2:6 "Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."

When John made that statement, he wasn't speaking about how to be a church leader or even how to be a "good" Christian. He merely stated that anyone who calls himself Christian must live like Jesus did. So how did Jesus live? You could make a list of character traits to compare yourself to, but it would be far more beneficial to simply read through one of the Gospels. After you get a bird's-eye view of the life of Christ, do the same with your own. Are you comfortable with the similarities and differences?

It's easy to get caught up in the pursuit of "success" as American church-goers define it. The thought of being well-known and respected is alluring. There have been times when I've been caught up in the fun of popularity. I've even mistaken it for success. Biblically, however, success is when our lives parallel Christ's. Truth is, there are many good Christs that you'll never read about in a magazine. They are walking as Jesus walked, but they are too focused and humble to pursue their own recognition.

May we make it our goal to someday have someone say of us: "The day/hour/15 minutes I spent with ______ was the closest thing I've ever experienced to walking with Jesus."

As Christians in America, we often complain about how antagonistic people are toward Christ. Personally, I'm not sure that Americans are really rejecting Christ. Maybe they just haven't seen Him.

Try to be COMPLETELY honest with yourself right now. Is the following true of you?

You passionately love Jesus, but you don't really want to be like Him. You admire His humility, but you don't want to be THAT humble. You think it's beautiful that He washed the feet of the disciples, but that's not exactly the direction your life is headed. You're thankful He was spit upon and abused, but you would never let that happen to you. You praise Him for loving you enough to suffer during His whole time on earth, but you're going to do everything within your power to make sure you enjoy your time down here.

In short: You think He's a great Savior, but not a great role model.

The American church has abandoned the most simple and obvious truth of what it means to follow Jesus: You actually follow His pattern of life. I pray for those who read this article- that we don't become cynical or negative toward the church. Instead, let's make a personal decision to stop talking so much and begin living like Jesus. Then we can say as the apostle Paul, "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1). My guess is that you've never had someone say that to you, and you've never said it to anyone else. Why Not?

Things that really burn my biscuits

2010-03-27T10:55:00.000-07:00

Mouth to mouth resuscitation attempts that fail...so frustrating when you go through all that and it's in vain.

(CNN) -- A Pennsylvania man attempted to resuscitate "a road-killed opossum," state police say.

But this was one possum who wasn't playing possum -- the ugly creature remained dead.

Troopers responding to the scene in Oliver Township on Thursday determined that Donald J. Wolfe, 55, of Brookville, was drunk, according to the police report.

Several witnesses observed Wolfe's failed resurrection of the flattened marsupial, police said. It was not immediately clear how he endeavored to restore the possum's life.

The arresting officer in the incident was unavailable for comment Friday. Attempts to reach Wolfe were also unsuccessful.

Wolfe will be charged with one charge of public drunkenness, police said.

Alice Cooper...on faith.

2010-03-27T10:40:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oim4OWMANZ4

Tough Pill to Swallow

2010-03-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

There was a period of time a couple of years ago where I got really bad migraines. I don't know why. Maybe allergies. Maybe stress. Maybe just growing pains. But they were really bad. The kind that make your vision go fuzzy and your stomach churn.

For awhile, I would dope myself up with advil or excedrin or tylenol or whatever I could get to the fastest. I would take two little pills and lay down for awhile. Inevitably, it wouldn't be enough so I would pop a couple more little pills. And then I would sleep.

By the time I woke up, I would feel better. I could at least function. But there was always the threat of the headache coming back. For those who have never experienced a migraine, it's hard to explain...but while I wasn't in crippling pain, I still had a lingering feeling in my skull that warned me not to look at any bright lights or move too fast or it was going to come back with a vengeance. It could stay that way for hours, sometimes days, but often the headache would in fact be triggered again and come back full force.

I finally broke down and went to the doctor. After lots of tests to determine it wasn't anything more than just migraines, I was given a prescription for a GIANT painkiller. I was to take one any time a headache was coming on. Better than my 6 little guys, but one of those pills was bigger than my thumbnail. It made me nervous just to look at it.

And the first time I attempted to swallow one...holy hotdogs. It made me gag. The pill was so big I could barely get it down my throat. Tough to swallow would be the understatement of the century. It was painful going down.

But it worked. And it usually worked fairly quickly. It got to the root of the headache and I wasn't left with any lingering feelings. I felt healed.

**********************************************************************************
Sometimes when we experience struggles or frustrations or anger and bitterness, people can say things that help, at least as far as our emotions are concerned. Things that validate us, that affirm our feelings and make us feel fuzzier or more justified on the inside.

"No, you were right. She was wrong."

"You have every right to be angry at her."

"You have every right to be angry at God."

"You need some chocolate and a chick flick."

"You deserve to be treated better."

Those are the little pills...the ones that after 6 or 7 make you think you're doing better.

But something is leftover. The anger or sadness has not been healed, but simply band-aided and maybe in hours, maybe in days, it will come back and probably bigger and worse than the first time around.

Then there's truth. The truth that hurts on the way down. The kind that makes you anxious to just think about having to deal with it.

"You aren't trusting God."

"You are trying to play God."

"It's not your job to fix it and you're trying to make it your job."

"Jen...you are holding on. And you have to let it go."

When you're already in pain, already hurting, the last thing you want is something that causes more hurt on the way down.

But that's what Truth does.

It battles with our humanity and kills some sin that is alive in us.

Killing anything that's alive never goes without some kind of pain.

Truth is a tough pill to swallow...but it works.

Edit:: After writing this post I went to my google desktop and this was my quote of the day.

Truth does not changed based on our ability to stomach it.
~Flannery O'Connor

Fight Another Day

2010-03-26T09:34:00.001-07:00

Amazed

2010-03-25T16:22:00.000-07:00

Why is it, that the more I find myself hurting for someone else, heavy-hearted for the things we do to our children, and broken for the sin of this life, that I feel God's power, love, grace and forgiveness more than ever before.

Today has been a day. The kind that had little to do with me and everything to do with God. Somehow I felt shattered and full of joy at the same exact time.

God.

Nothing else.

There's nothing else it could be.

"God knows quite well how hard we find it to love Him more than anyone or anything else, and He won’t be angry with us as long as we are trying. And He will help us."
~Excerpt from a letter from C.S. Lewis to the mother of a child who was concerned that her young child was idolizing the character Aslan from the Chronicles of Narnia

Urban Camping 101

2010-03-23T07:51:00.000-07:00

When pitching a tent in a 350 square foot apartment, there are a couple of steps you should probably follow...

1. Find somebody who is just crazy enough to be willing to help you take on such a great feat. Someone who can find their "inner 6 year old" and jump into the land where magic forts are the best thing since sliced bread, lollipops are your secret weapon and sunglasses make you invisible.

2. Pull out the necessary equipment and look a tiny bit stupid while realizing this might be a tad more confusing than previously thought.
3. Move coffee table and unroll tent.
4. Unfold tent and realize there ain't no way it's going to fit in the spot you alloted for it. Put on your magic pink "thinking" pants (jammies) and stare at it for awhile.
5. Put it up anyway. Or...let your amigo do it.
6. Realize that tent has filled up every last inch of free floor space you had, which wasn't much to begin with. Make mental note to not wait until the last second to go to the bathroom, should the need arise, because you're going to have to be creative about how you actually get to the toilet.
7. Realize that the door to the tent is shoved up against the couch. Aka: Have to climb on the couch in order to get down into tent. Unleash inner 6 year old and pretend that the floor is covered in lava and hop from one piece of furniture to the other, trying not to get "burned." (This step is optional.)
8. Turn out all the lights, open the window, put a lantern inside the tent, and proceed with Camping Simulation Station.
9. Figure out all the different ways a snake could get into your tent, talk about what causes bears to approach humans, discuss the pros and cons of bringing hot dog buns.
10. Get REAL excited about upcoming camping trip.

P.S. For anyone who wants to come visit...I now have a "guest house." Y'all are welcome to it anytime.

Hold Us Together

2010-03-18T08:19:00.001-07:00

This is one of those songs that I don't even have words for. Like, when I listen to it I just sigh. I was on my way to work this morning and the sun was shining and I had my windows down and I just blared it through the city. This is one of those songs that isn't just good, but is God. Completely from the Lord.

"I'll be my brother's keeper so the whole world will know we're not alone."

...that's what I'm talkin' about.

Picture Day: Kite Festivals and Ginormous Hot Dogs

2010-03-16T09:25:00.000-07:00

Char and I both totally got whacked by that human kite when it did a dive bomb to the ground. Pretty much amazing.

That kid right there gets the genius costume award of the day...

Listening in a Major Key

2010-03-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

A few posts ago I talked about how sometimes something comes up over and over and over again in my life which is usually my indication that I need to slow down and pay attention to what God is trying to teach me with it.

Lately, that theme has been listening. The first time it came up I was like, "Okay great." The second time I was like, "Oh hey God. Yeah, what was that? I'm sorry I was distracted." The third time I was like, "La la la...I'm not LISTENING." And He was like, "Obviously." But today, I finally said, "What...I'm all ears."

If I do this to God, how often do I do it to the people around me? Getting off facebook has made me very in tune to the distractions I allow to be a part of my life. To how often my cell phone rings when I'm spending time with someone. To how often I answer a text message while someone is talking to me. To how often my brain has moved on to what I'm going to say while I simply wait for the other person to finish what they're saying. To how often I listen to music while I'm reading my Bible. I surround myself with distractions and I'm quickly learning all the ways this hinders me as a person, as a coworker, as a friend, as a family member and as a daughter to the King.

So here are a few of the messages that have come to me in the past 2 days...

The first was an article in a student ministry magazine I read that talked about how teenagers talk in a "minor key." They don't really tell you everything that's going on in their lives or what they're dealing with, they just give you little clues. And it's up to you to be listening in a "major key" to hear those things and to ask the right questions.

But isn't that all of us? It's a rare person that will just say, "Here's what's on my heart. Here's what I'm dealing with. I need help." So...the question that begs to be asked...Am I listening in a major key? Or am I hearing the words coming out and moving on with life.

The second time came from a book I'm reading called Lessons from San Quentin. It's a sweet, sweet book about a man who spent time in San Quentin for a white collar crime, the relationship that he developed with Jesus while he was there, and the lessons he learned from the "lifers," the men whose lives were shaped by a slow pace, the value they place on every day they have, and seeming to have all the time in the world. One of his lessons is this:

"Listen when others speak. People who give respect listen intently and completely to what others have to say. They do not interrupt. The Lifers somehow had learned this behavior, perhaps because they realized that every word spoken has value and deserves consideration. Interrupting someone who is speaking is rude and a show of disrespect. Often we do so because we are rushed and feel we don't have time to allow someone to offer a full argument. That simply underscores the benefit of leading a simpler, less frantic life. Eliminating the time pressure seems to facilitate the patience that allows us to be fully respectful of others. Respect is one of those areas where you can test yourself pretty easily. Take a day this week and train yourself to review each conversation after it has been completed. Evaluate how many times you interrupted the other person, for whatever reason. Could you do better? Or maybe try this: reflect on each conversation you had and count the times when you were only half listening-just enough to get by. Again, could you improve how often you fully devote your attention to the person you are speaking with?"

And then my last, "Hey Jen, You're not listening. Love, God" message came this morning from one of my favorite thinkers, Henri Nouwen...

Listening as Spiritual Hospitality

To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.

Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.

Best Out of Context Quote of the Day

2010-03-10T08:59:00.001-08:00

"There's only room for one white girl in these parts and what do we have here? It would seem that spot has already been filled."

Everything Falls

2010-03-09T08:07:00.000-08:00

Jesus' Eyes

2010-03-08T09:34:00.001-08:00

Every now and then there's a theme in my life. Whether it's an idea, a person, a word or a Scripture passage, it comes up, over and over and over again until I learn what I need to learn from it. And then it disappears as quick as it came, leaving just the wisdom or the feeling I gained from it.

These days, it's Luke 5. The paralytic man whose friends drop him through a roof to get him to Jesus. Well, maybe not "drop" but gently lower him down in front of the only man they know who can heal him. Just when I thought I'd gotten what was to be had out of it, it came back up again and I have no choice but to go back through it, wondering, "What am I missing?"

On one of those days, as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law were sitting there, who had come from every village of Galilee and Judea and from Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was with him to heal. And behold, some men were bringing on a bed a man who was paralyzed, and they were seeking to bring him in and lay him before Jesus, but finding no way to bring him in, because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and let him down with his bed through the tiles into the midst before Jesus. And when he saw their faith, he said, "Man, your sins are forgiven you." And the scribes and the Pharisees began to question, saying, "Who is this who speaks blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone?" When Jesus perceived their thoughts, he answered them, "Why do you question in your hearts? Which is easier, to say, 'Your sins are forgiven you,' or to say, 'Rise and walk'? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins"—he said to the man who was paralyzed—"I say to you, rise, pick up your bed and go home." And immediately he rose up before them and picked up what he had been lying on and went home,glorifying God. And amazement seized them all, and they glorified God and were filled with awe, saying, "We have seen extraordinary things today."

Yesterday, someone posed this question.

"What did Jesus' eyes look like when He told the man to rise?"

Heart. Stopping.

That's all I could think.

After all this man has been through in his life and on his journey to get to Jesus, living completely dependent on what others could do for him, not experiencing much, trying not to be a burden to everyone in his life...

Then along comes a guy who he believes with some amount of faith can and will heal him.

I have to think this poor man was physically tired and uncomfortable after taking this journey. And I can't help but think of the view as he looked up at his friends, straining to carry him however far they had to. The stress in their eyes as they realized the house was too crowded. The twinkle of the idea to lower him down through the roof. The sweat that dripped down from their eyebrows as they tried to lift dead weight up onto the top of a house.

And oh the shock on the Pharisees' faces as he was lowered down from above. The hint of judgement as they looked at one another. The snickering from skeptics and the condemnation from those who don't believe unclean belongs in the presence of holy.

And the pain in this man's eyes as he questioned it all. The realization that maybe Jesus would laugh too. And the fear that maybe Jesus wasn't actually real. That all of this was in vain.

Then...in a moment, Jesus says, "Your sins are forgiven." I have to wonder if this guy wasn't a little disappointed. He wanted to walk. In my own life, I know that forgiveness is the greatest gift I could ever hope for, but I'm short-sighted. And some days...I just want to feel better.

It takes a lifetime to experience and understand forgiveness. But it would only take a moment to know you could walk when you'd never been able to before.

The Pharisees in the room begin to question Jesus, wondering how he thought he had the right to forgive sins, for they knew only God had that power.

Jesus didn't laugh at them or tell them they were stupid. He didn't throw a lightning bolt and kill them (although that would be kinda sweet). He basically said, "Fair enough...let me show you that I have the power of God."

And then something that I imagine was really beautiful happened...He shifted His attention from these men, from their thoughts and concerns, and looked right into the eyes of the paralyzed man.

I think it must be like those moments in the movies when all chaos around you fades and it's like it's just you and Jesus in the room and the only voice you hear is His as He says, "Rise. Pick up your bed and go home." He's got such confidence, not in your ability to walk but in His ability to heal. There's an inkling of wondering somewhere in the back of your mind that maybe, just maybe, it's not gonna work. But there's just so much strength in the way that He looks at you, in the tone of His voice, the gentleness of His smile, and the hope in His eyes that you're willing to risk the disappointment just for having had this encounter.

The man gets up and walks away. He goes home to glorify God while the rest of the room stands in awe.

I wonder...

There are so many little whisperings that we hear from our Savior, so many thoughts that we trust in, but are afraid of, so many things that He calls us to.

Would it make a difference if we took the time to imagine what it would be like for Jesus to look us in the eye and tell us to do the same thing. Would it be different if we had to look back at Him face-to-face to give our response.

Remembering

2010-03-07T08:13:00.000-08:00

I think I just peed my pants.

2010-03-05T13:13:00.001-08:00

Is this for real?

(All you Wicked lovers out there...make sure you get at least to the 4:30 mark)

Beautiful Things

2010-02-24T14:02:00.001-08:00

Lessons in Student Ministry: Moments that make my heart smile

2010-02-23T10:45:00.000-08:00

Well today it's snowing in Austin, Texas which elicits a reaction from people similar to if they saw a pig flying through the sky or Elvis walking downtown. It's a strange phenomenon for a girl from the Midwest, and in the two years I've been here it hasn't gotten any less strange.

People stop functioning. They lose their minds. Things shut down. No one wants to come to work because it's "cold." Everyone wants to stay off the roads. Today I was nearly one of those people because I've learned something really important in my time here...no one knows how to drive in this stuff either. I fear for my life not because the roads are slick and my car weighs as much as an empty soda can, but because these people go crazy and I don't trust them to know what to do if they fishtail.

So, my desire to go to the middle school to have lunch today was in question as I watched big, fluffy flakes come down fast 30 minutes before the lunch bell would ring. But, resolving to refuse to become one of "those" people, I headed out, no coat and no gloves...just to make a point. (Hopefully that point won't be that freezing temperatures will in fact give you pneumonia despite what part of the country you grew up in.)

If I thought the community in general goes crazy, it's nothing compared to a building full of little people still struggling to find the balance between wanting to be adults and discovering that their hearts still race at the sight of minor snowfall which could mean going home early. And in fact, I discovered many students had already left. Their parents had come to get them from school simply because it was snowing. Let me be clear that I by no means judge or have any thoughts on kids leaving school because it's snowing. But I'm perplexed. In 25 years I've never heard of such a thing.

Of course all my girls said, "JEN! It's snowing!" Yes...yes it is. "Isn't that exciting! Jen we NEVER get to see snow." I assured them that I would be happy to freeze a bag of cotton balls and litter their yard with it and they looked at me like I was insane. We all moved onto conversation about which kids had called their parents and who thought they might get to leave and whose requests had already been turned down.

Luckily for me the conversation shifted and ended up in places like this:

Claudia: Jen! Guess what! I'm going to Canada this summer!
Me: Why are you going to Canada?
Claudia: Hello! Why wouldn't you go to Canada?! I mean c'mon. It's like a cheap version of France.

Me: Brady when is Ben going to Barcelona?
Hannah: Ben is going to Barcelona?!
Brady: Yeah, for a big swim meet.
Hannah: What!? Does he have to shave his whole body?
Me: Wouldn't that be crazy to have to shave your entire body? Especially if you're a guy.
Claudia: My uncle is REALLY hairy.
*Blank stares*
Me: Is that the end of your story?
Claudia: Yes.

Early on in the lunch period the snow had died down to a sleet/rain mixture, the kind you can hear on the roof but can't really see if you're looking out the window. Sure enough though, just minutes before the bell rang to dismiss, the big, fluffy snowflakes came back...and the fire alarm went off.

Chaos ensued.

It was fairly clear that the fire alarm wasn't anything to really worry about, seemed just a simple mistake or possible prank and I think the kids picked up on that. But despite the fact that kids are to remain seated unless they're getting food, about 25% of them ran to the huge windows. Another 30% started cheering and yelling. About 25% seemed unaffected...and the remaining few looked around with that twinkle in their eye that shows they recognize that chaos is happening and they could get away with a lot before it dies down.

As I watched the adults in the room unsuccessfully attempt to get control of the situation, I couldn't help but smile.

In mere seconds, those kids had completely taken over that cafeteria, going where they wanted to go, making the noise they wanted to make, doing what they wanted to do and there was little any adult could do to actually stop it.

I couldn't help but wonder, if they realized the kind of power they have, and if they had a common desire to use it for good, what could these kids really do in this world. That power, that energy, that creativity and spark...just have to wonder.

The fire alarm stopped and the kids got tired of standing at the window. The noise died down and they started to get back to their seats. All in all the situation lasted about 60 seconds.

But I really had to wonder...

Lessons in Student Ministry: Part...I don't even know anymore

2010-02-19T08:22:00.000-08:00

Don't underestimate the Holy Spirit or your students ability to hear it.

Last night I taught a message to all of our 6th and 7th graders about Jesus being a healer. In a bizarre, extremely God-ordained series of events, the blog that I previously wrote about dragging our friends to the feet of Jesus just happened to miraculously tie in to what I was teaching and I felt that familiar little tug on my heart to take that message to them. I honestly questioned how they would receive it...how they would understand it...if it would really challenge them or if they could make the words that I spoke fit into what they already do and they could walk away not feeling any need to make a change...and if they were challenged, what that would even look like in their lives.

When we started last night in the big group, we walked through the story in Mark 10 of a blind beggar and how he responds to Jesus, the way his faith makes him completely abandon any concern what others think of him. After we talked through that story, I asked the girls if Jesus is still able to heal that way today, if a blind man today could receive sight by the power of Jesus. The responses were mixed. Some of them clearly wanted to believe that is true, but simply couldn't figure out how it would be possible. Some said it was possible, but it would have to come through a doctor or some modern medicine. None of them were confident that it could just "happen."

After that we talked about different kinds of healing and the different kinds of healing we might need in our own lives. I read them a story from my World Vision magazine about a family from Burundi, Africa and we talked about all the different kinds of healing they need and the ways Jesus could possibly meet those needs.

We broke up into small groups and I was excited to have only 4 girls last night, a great size to really discuss and I had a good mix of personalities.

We read through Mark 2 together, talking about the men who carried their paralyzed friend and dropped him through a roof to get him to Jesus and be healed. We first talked about who we related to most in the story.

Were we the paralyzed man, broken and in need of help, needing Jesus, needing faith. Were we one of the four friends, strong in faith and trusting that our obedience would be blessed with healing, and able to carry our friends to Jesus. Or were we one of the people in the room, followers of the law who criticized Jesus and would have criticized the four for doing something so irrational and ridiculous.

Then I asked, "So...are you willing to drag your friends to Jesus? Do you have friends who would drag you to Him?"

Everybody looked at me for a second and Barbara said the inevitable, "I really don't know what that means since Jesus isn't here anymore. How do we do that if we can't actually take someone to see Him?"

This is a good sign...they're paying attention and thinking. This is not always a given. :)

So, we came up with an example. Let's say that you have a friend who gets in a big fight with her best friend. She comes to you and starts telling you everything that happened and how horrible her friend is and just generally "venting." What would it look like if we responded by taking that girl to Jesus?

"Well...I guess it would be just listening but then reminding her of why they're best friends and encouraging her to forgive her friend."

"Yeah, I think it would be just helping her and her friend work things out and reminding her of all the good things about her friend."

WHOA.

My hope was that they'd respond by telling me that they would listen, but also encourage their friend to not talk bad about anyone. That they wouldn't continue to gossip about it. That they would give this girl a place to sit if she felt lonely.

Because that response from them would mean that at least we've nailed the moralism part. The "right thing to do."

What I did not expect was what I got. A heart change. A recognition that it's not just about their friend, but about her best friend too. About the importance of restoring that relationship. About helping them work through and rebuild. That's HUGE when in middle school one person hating their best friend means one more friend for you when she comes running to you.

After that I asked if they could think of any examples in their own life, and one of my girls, who rarely goes very "deep" but has a wonderful and bright sense of humor shared that when she was 7 her parents decided to move. She was so angry at them and had a sleepover with a couple of her friends. She told them she was moving across the country and that she hated her parents and couldn't believe that they would do this to her. They responded in agreement with her. They told her her parents were stupid. They told her she should be mad at them. They told her they couldn't believe her parents were going to take her away from her friends.

They were 7...

But at 13, looking back on that situation, this was her response...

"You know, even now, I really wish they would have told me that this could be a really good experience. That my parents weren't stupid and cared about me. That I would make new friends and that they would never forget about me. That's what I really wanted them to say. And it would have made me feel really good if they would have prayed with me."

And that's what it looks like to take your friends to Jesus when you're in 7th grade in 2010.

Never underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit to teach your kids what He wants them to know.

Tonight...

2010-02-18T13:36:00.000-08:00

I'm going to try and teach about 25 6th and 7th graders about this

I pray that the words will fall on fertile soil. Because I really can't get my head back to 7th grade enough to know how they'll respond. But trusting God's leading on this one.

The Big FB Break

2010-02-16T14:06:00.001-08:00

Well...I realized today that it's been a week and a day since I was "on" facebook. Here are a few observations:

1. The time without it has gone by incredibly fast. Definitely doesn't feel like it's been that long.

2. I really needed to and did get on twice. Once to get someone's email. And once to respond to a message from someone. Both times I had a strong urge to go read my newsfeed or people's walls. This indicates to me that I did in fact have an addiction when the very sight of it's blue and white blocky goodness provoked such a desire in me. But I resisted. :)

3.The final and maybe most important...I have yet to find ONE thing that I'm missing.

I believe that without constantly checking it, my life may have changed for the better. I'm not going to say that for sure right now. But it most definitely has not changed for the worse. Short of realizing that I've probably missed an opportunity to tell a lot of people "Happy Birthday," I can't think of anything I've missed. I've turned back to email, a place to connect with real friends where it's kind of awkward to just throw two sentences out there, a form of communication that forces something a little more substantial. I find that not knowing what is going on in everyone else's life is great. If they want to tell me, they will and I don't have the stress of trying to keep up.

And I've had a friend who jumped in the facebook break with me and it's so encouraging to have someone who is willing to give that up too, just to see what comes of it.

We'll see how long it last...but for right now, I'm not going back anytime soon.

Lessons in Student Ministry: Moments That Make My Heart Smile

2010-02-16T11:36:00.000-08:00

Barbara: "Jen...how's your week going?"

Me: "Honestly, it's a little off. I've been feeling a little funky the past couple of days."

Claudia: "It's because you didn't see us last Thursday. You just need our hyperness to keep you smiling."

...I knew there was a reason. :)

Oxygen

2010-02-15T09:02:00.000-08:00

Honestly I’m weaker now than I’ve ever been
I hate to admit, I’m shamefully hesitant
In this my bitter cold, I surrendered my hope
When I gave into the lie again
I believed the untruth, and now I need you
Still something says

Hold on through the moonlight
Don’t let go, don’t let go
Something says hold on on through the moonlight
Don’t let go, don’t let go

And if I could breathe you in
I’ll be sure to hold my breath
Cause you are like oxygen
Bringing me to life
So here I stand once again
Open me and come on in
Cause you are like oxygen
Bringing me to life

It’s painfully evident
That uncertainty is life
And I’m still a child
Tossed by the waves again
So quick to deny, and master to hide
Still something says

Hold on through the moonlight
Don’t let go, don’t let go
Something says hold on on through the moonlight
Don’t let go, don’t let go

And if I could breathe you in
I’ll be sure to hold my breath
Cause you are like oxygen
Bringing me to life
So here I stand once again
Open me and come on in
Cause you are like oxygen
Bringing me to life

~Building 429

The kind of friend to be...

2010-02-11T08:10:00.001-08:00

A few days ago I posted a question and y'all apparently got shy on me and didn't respond. And I think if I waited long enough I'd hear from people, but I'm not patient, and God has made a point of really laying this on my heart and head so I need to get it out of my system. :) (I also recognize that a few of you said you're still thinking and that's completely okay.)

The other day I emailed Char and said, "Why do we always feel like it's not enough to simply point people back to the Gospel. And why do we feel like it's not enough when others do that for us."

Her response, which I completely agree with, was this, "Maybe it is because we live in a culture where it is believed that it is not enough...that ultimately Christ is not enough. The Gospel has been so watered down and humans have been so built up that we don't want a Savior, we want a knight in shining armor...a fictitious character to come and take us away, out of pain and suffering and into bliss."

So so often I am given access to a friend's life, ears to hear their struggles or eyes to actually see it.

And boy do I want to fix it.

I want to make it better. I want to be "that person" who made it all okay. I want to be a savior.

I forget that they've already got a savior and there's not room for more than one of those.

I forget that I've got my own junk so how in the world am I going to fix theirs.

I forget that just because I may "understand" what they're dealing with, it was Jesus who rescued me, not someone else who "understood."

So I don't point them to the Gospel. I point them to myself. And what ends up happening is that I don't have the time or the energy or the resources to actually live up to my word. I can't make good on the promise to save because I will always be too empty to do that. And then I will have left them...seeking something in me that they won't find and possibly with bigger problems than they started with.

And on the rare occasion that I don't forget all those things, well it's then that I have fear.

I fear that they'll think I don't care. That I'm taking the easy way out.

I fear that they'll go find someone else to give them what they want.

I fear that if I ONLY turn them to the Gospel that God won't actually show up for them.

I can only imagine that I fear all those things because that is so frequently how I respond when others do it for me.

I've been thinking on this so much lately and last night God totally brought it right back up. I heard someone speak about having the kind of friends who literally drag us to the feet of Jesus. And about being the kind of friend who drags other people to the feet of Jesus. Because it's only in encountering God Himself that we will find healing.

In Mark 2:1-12 we hear a story of a paralyzed man whose friends literally put him on a board and carried him to the house that Jesus was in to get him healed. When they saw that the crowd was too big they straight up climbed onto the roof of the house, cut a hole in it and lowered the man down right in front of Jesus. And it says, "When Jesus saw their [emphasis mine] faith, He said to the paralytic, 'Son, your sins are forgiven...rise, pick up your bed, and go home.'"

This guy's friends had so much faith in Jesus to heal this man that they carried him heaven only knows how far, took him on the roof of a home, cut a hole in the roof and lowered him down to Jesus' feet. And Jesus recognized the faith of the man and of his friends. It was just that simple...

And really, that's the kind of friend I want to be. I want to hear someone's struggles and even if it's through tears want to respond by saying, "I hear you. And I hurt with you. And as much as I want to, I can't fix you. But I will take you to the feet of Jesus. I will drag you there if I have to. And I will stay with you there." Because that is what will make you well.

So, if you think that all you need is a hug...if you just need to curl up with a chick flick and eat ice cream...if you need to vent about a crazy boss or hurtful friend...if you need to escape where you are and come play in Texas...heck, if you need to escape, to run from where you are, and move to Texas, yeah, I could be your girl. I could help you with all that.

But if you need to not just be hugged but comforted...if you need to not just feel better but to actually get better...if you need to not hear lies but truth...if you need to not escape but to find your home, right in the place God has you, then I'm going to have to take you to see someone else.

And my prayer is that I'll start remembering to do that.

Calling all sandwich artists...

2010-02-10T11:22:00.001-08:00

The management team at Subway on 38th and 1/2 is looking for sandwich artists to join their crew.

I guess that means they're hiring.

Status Update

2010-02-10T07:55:00.001-08:00

I am not on facebook right now. (Sounds like a medication I take doesn't it? Hence the reason I'm not on it.)

But if I were, this is what my status would say:

Jennifer Corzine's dinosaur nickname should be Cankersaurus Rex. Ouch.

I need your thoughts...

2010-02-09T13:50:00.000-08:00

Why is it that it's never enough for us to simply point people to the Gospel and NOTHING else when they are seeking guidance, help, comfort or assistance.

We point people to comfort food, movies, self-help theories, ourselves and our own ideas of how they should be responding or sometimes other people and just maybe a little scripture somewhere in the middle of all that.

And why is it that when there is a rare person who ONLY points us back to the Gospel and to Jesus, we feel like they haven't done enough.

Okay go...

P.S. I would love to find out who more of my random blogger friends are so please feel free to leave a comment! :) I really want to know people's thoughts.

Jesus and Social Media

2010-02-08T14:28:00.001-08:00

The time has come again...

The call for me to take a big ol' break from facebook. Aka: How to Waste Time 101.

I'm becoming more and more aware of the church's push for the effective use of social media as a way of furthering the message of the Gospel. I see over and over again that we communicate using twitter and facebook.

My disclaimer: I absolutely see the value in social media. I very much respect the potential that it holds for connecting people and transmitting information to the masses.

I won't speak for anyone else and it would be wrong of me to even consider/judge the way other people use it (but I'm human so sometimes I do that). But, I fear and am very much aware that in my own life, like any good thing God has given us, I spend much more time using His gifts for my own purposes than for His glory or to further His Kingdom.

Let me be real vulnerable about what my time on facebook looks like...

I read my newsfeed.
I click on random friends' profiles and read their walls.
I read comments that people, who I don't even know, have left them.
I question what some of those comments mean and what may be going on in their life and sometimes even make my own assumptions as to what those mean. (This is a BAD idea).
Sometimes I even go to their friends' walls and on the off chance they don't have their privacy settings a certain way, read how my friends responded to them.
I look at picture albums posted, again by people I don't know, that have my friends in them and sometimes at picture albums full of people I don't even know.
I find out information that I'm not even seeking and probably don't need to know.

I know what my friends' plans are for the weekend.
I know what my friends did last weekend.
I know who is dating who.
I know inside jokes between people, without knowing what they actually mean.
I know who has family members who passed away.
I know who knows who.

I know SO much information that 1. I don't need to know and 2. Was not actually invited to know.

Seriously? When this is in words in front of me...it sounds certifiably insane.

I have ways of finding out information that by no means was someone planning on telling ME when they wrote it on a mutual friend's wall. While I recognize that in posting something on someone's wall they are allowing anyone to read it, it doesn't mean it ever crossed their mind that I would.

And I don't want to learn things that way. I want to learn things because someone wanted to share it with me. I want to learn about conversations one person had with another simply because they wanted me to know that information, because they wanted to share how it impacted their heart.

And even harder to deal with, but somewhere deep down is true, I want to NOT know what others don't want me to know.

I don't want to be a gossip. I don't want to be nosey. There is nothing edifying in any of that. Sometimes I feel like it's like if I were to read someone's diary. I would find out information that only further peaks my interest, but I'm not in a position to actually talk to them about it because I shouldn't have read it anyway. There's nothing comfortable about being in that place. And there's nothing glorifying about it.

So, I'm giving up facebook again for a little bit until I can have a more God-centered relationship with it. Until I can use it not as a way of distracting me from my boredom, which in turn leads to all of the above, but until I can use it for the SOLE purpose of being intentional in my relationships and possibly furthering the message of the Gospel.

I can only imagine what all I'll miss in however long this break takes, but I'm kind of ready to be missing a lot of that and definitely ready to find out what I'll gain in the meantime.

I wanna be this person when I grow up...

2010-02-08T13:49:00.000-08:00

Dressed in Gentleness

Once in a while we meet a gentle person. Gentleness is a virtue hard to find in a society that admires toughness and roughness. We are encouraged to get things done and to get them done fast, even when people get hurt in the process. Success, accomplishment, and productivity count. But the cost is high. There is no place for gentleness in such a milieu.

Gentle is the one who does "not break the crushed reed, or snuff the faltering wick" (Matthew 12:20). Gentle is the one who is attentive to the strengths and weaknesses of the other and enjoys being together more than accomplishing something. A gentle person treads lightly, listens carefully, looks tenderly, and touches with reverence. A gentle person knows that true growth requires nurture, not force. Let's dress ourselves with gentleness. In our tough and often unbending world our gentleness can be a vivid reminder of the presence of God among us.

~Henri Nouwen

2010-02-05T15:35:00.001-08:00

“It started out being a musical about ideas and it became a musical about people. And I think that’s an important lesson for me in all writing is that people are more interesting than ideas when it comes to drama...The other thing we learned is that when you’re young, it’s very easy to be snarky and ironic and there’s a lot of great material to be derived out of those modes of thinking. And as you get a little bit older you realize that snark and irony and sarcasm are actually pretty easy. They’re defensive poses. It’s much more challenging and dangerous to put something sincere and real out in the world.”
Brian Yorkey, Lyricist of hit musical "Next to Normal"

Lessons in Student Ministry: Moments that make my heart smile

2010-02-05T06:34:00.000-08:00

Barbara...one of the sweetest, most kind-hearted and precious middle schoolers I have ever met in my life. One of those kids who really just gets it. One of those kids that you can never imagine has done anything “wrong” in her life, but will be the first to tell you that she feels a drastic change in who she is since really beginning to get to know Jesus.

Last night one of our girls was talking about the sin in our lives and said, “We're just all so...dirty.” I said, “Well, can you ever be too dirty for God?”

Two of my girls looked at each other, looked at me, kind of shook their heads in the safe diagonal motion that could be perceived as a yes nod or a no shake.

And then Barbara said, “Well, I don't know if this is really the answer to your question. But, when I was the age that I really started not just knowing about Jesus, but actually knowing Him, I did a lot of needlepoint. One day I realized that when I did them, the back of the needlepoint was always knotty and just messy looking. But when I turned it over, I could see a picture. It didn't mean there weren't still a lot of mistakes. I still had knots where they didn't belong. Or I had mixed up colors. But I could still see the picture. I think that's kind of what life is like if we have God. There's still mistakes, or parts that aren't right, but we can see a bigger picture and things make more sense. But if we don't have God, it's like the back where it's just a mess. We can't be too dirty for Him. He makes things better.”

Moments that make my heart smile...

A Spirit of Thankfulness

2010-02-02T15:18:00.000-08:00

Sunday night, I'll be really honest here...

I was tired.
I was frustrated.
I was distracted.
I was homesick.
I felt alone.

And there was nothing in that moment that I could bring myself to look forward to. (To those of you who are about to email me and ask me if I'm okay, I'm fine. Keep reading.)

If we're being honest, this is part of being fully human, of fully feeling. Some days, that's what it was going to look like.

I went to our middle school get together/youth group. And you know what? I'm going to be even more honest...On that day, and in that moment, I went because right now I'm being paid by the church to be there. That's it though. There wasn't really any other reason. I didn't want to be there, for all of the above reasons, and I felt like I was the last person in the world who needed to be teaching these girls about the joy of Christ because at that moment...

I didn't feel it.

When I arrived early for our leader's meeting, Pastor Mark said we were going to be reviewing Romans 1:21-32. Paul is writing about a group of people who lived a couple thousand years ago and he says this, "[they were] filled with unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworty, unloving, unmerciful..."

Sounds a little familiar doesn't it?

Read the newspaper...murder, gossip, slander, malice.
Think about what you call politicians...arrogant, deceitful, greedy.
Think about what every American generation says about the one coming up behind them...they don't obey their parents, they're insolent, they think the world revolves around them.
Think about the people who hurt you the most in life...I can't trust them. They didn't love me well. They wouldn't forgive me.

Scripture, it would seem, may be more relevant than we ever tend to remember. 2,000 years later...and we're still doing the same things.

But if we back up just a little bit, Paul begins with this, "...that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them..."

He made it evident to us through creation. Look around. Look at the person next to you. That is how God made Himself known to us.

"For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse."

Paul goes onto say, "For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

Pastor Mark said, "This may sound crazy...but I really think that the beginning of seeing a difference in this world is going to have to start with thankfulness."

And I thought not of every word that had hurt me in the past 24 hours, but of the people who spoke those words and how grateful I was to have them in my life. I thought not of every "thing" that had to be done in the coming week, but of the opportunities that were before me to simply live a productive life and have a reason to get out of bed. I thought not of what was so far away, but what was right in front of me.

That night I looked at all my girls and I said, "What do you have in this life that you deserve?" They all looked around at each other and then stared at the floor for a long time. Finally one of them said, "Nothing. I don't deserve any of it."

"So every single thing that is yours, every object, every person, every event...there's reason to be thankful for it?"

"Yeah...because somebody else out there doesn't have it. And for some reason I do."

In some ways, that's the definition of grace. But it's more than that. It's going beyond the "I don't deserve it." It's acknowledging that and then continuing to move forward into, "But for the grace of God I do, simply because He promised that ALL things would work together for His glory and for my good. Everything I've done that makes me undeserving will be used by Him, that He will be glorified through my life."

And that's grace. And whether I feel it or not, it's always there.

And for that, I will spend a lot more of my day being thankful.

Monday's Fabulous Moment

2010-02-01T13:04:00.000-08:00

Me: Hey. Wanna be Amish wit' me?
Mom: Yeah, I've considered it. Ultimate farm wife...all I ever really wanted to be.
Me: I don't really know how we get in wit' them. It's not like the Jewish where you just take some classes and eat moth balls. Or matz balls. Or whatever they're called.
Mom:I don't think you'd be a very good Amish girl. You'd have to quit saying wit'.
Me: Says who?
Mom: I'm fairly certain their English is proper isn't it?
Me: They speak Pennsylvania Dutch so when they speak English all their "th"s sound like d's. How is that different than saying wit'?
Mom: Because then it would be "wid"...Are you just bored?
Me: Thank you for your contributions to Monday's Fabulous Moment. Your time and energy has been much appreciated.
Mom: Oh dear.

Thank you

2010-02-01T10:12:00.000-08:00

to my friends who faithfully read every post. Thank you to the few of you who read my blog but don't know me. And a BIG thanks to the couple of you who left me comments to let me know that. Those comments were just the encouragement I needed to come back here, to something that I love, something that fills my heart and something that I don't stop in my day and take enough time for...my words and whatever small ability I have to put them together. Thank you truly for giving me an extra little boost of confidence. I'm going to hopefully do better to push myself to write more often, and continue as well to post things that I find that speak to my heart, knowing that they will to others as well. With that, please check out One in 8 Million...one of the more captivating things I've seen lately. Nothing affects my perspective more than hearing other people's stories...

Solidarity in Weakness

2010-02-01T07:46:00.001-08:00

Joy is hidden in compassion. The word compassion literally means "to suffer with." It seems quite unlikely that suffering with another person would bring joy. Yet being with a person in pain, offering simple presence to someone in despair, sharing with a friend times of confusion and uncertainty ... such experiences can bring us deep joy. Not happiness, not excitement, not great satisfaction, but the quiet joy of being there for someone else and living in deep solidarity with our brothers and sisters in this human family. Often this is a solidarity in weakness, in brokenness, in woundedness, but it leads us to the center of joy, which is sharing our humanity with others.

Henri Nouwen

A time for it all...

2010-01-30T17:23:00.001-08:00

A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot
what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build
up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to
gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun
embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up
as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw
away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew
together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:2-8

And there's little sense in wishing it was a time for something other than what it is.

Henri Nouwen of the Day

2010-01-28T13:51:00.000-08:00

Not a day goes by that I don't want to post the little gem that I receive in my inbox. Most days, I resist temptation, but some days, I feel a little shove that says that other people will want to read it too. So, for all my Nouwen lovers out there...

Forgiving in the Name of God

"We are all wounded people. Who wounds us? Often those whom we love and those who love us. When we feel rejected, abandoned, abused, manipulated, or violated, it is mostly by people very close to us: our parents, our friends, our spouses, our lovers, our children, our neighbors, our teachers, our pastors. Those who love us wound us too. That's the tragedy of our lives. This is what makes forgiveness from the heart so difficult. It is precisely our hearts that are wounded. We cry out, "You, who I expected to be there for me, you have abandoned me. How can I ever forgive you for that?"

Forgiveness often seems impossible, but nothing is impossible for God. The God who lives within us will give us the grace to go beyond our wounded selves and say, "In the Name of God you are forgiven." Let's pray for that grace."

Beautiful Song

2010-01-28T08:00:00.000-08:00

Another post by someone who's not me...

2010-01-26T07:47:00.000-08:00

I know I've been posting a lot of people's stuff. But it's just so darn good lately...

www.flowerdust.net

Guest Post by Seth Godin: Why is it So Difficult to Be Human?

from FlowerDust.net | Anne Jackson by Anne JacksonToday, these words are given by the ever generous Seth Godin.

His guest post is titled “Why is it So Difficult to Be Human?” and it was written just for you. I think he shares a very profound question that many of us have asked on this blog before.

He also contributed on many other blogs today, of which you can find a list here.

——-

Why is it so difficult to be human?

What does it mean to be human anyway?

A key part of being a real person – a human being – is showing up, especially when it’s difficult, particularly when it’s frightening to do so.

Showing up counts for a lot. Why? Because it’s scarce.

Someone who will comfort you on the phone in the middle of the night, then throw on a bathrobe and drive to your house. That’s precious.

Someone who tells you the truth.

Someone who exposes herself, is present, connected and willing to let you hurt them.

These are the things we seek out as people, and yet we rarely find them. And yet we are rarely willing to be this person.

We built institutions, organizations and religions to make it easy to avoid being this person. The rules and principles and jobs and buildings and code words and admonitions… they all exist to protect us from the truths we’re afraid of and from the interactions we’d rather not have.

They organize us, and organization is a wonderful way to be protected.

We go to work and we hide. We hide behind the religion of our brand or our team or our Dunder-Mifflin employee manual. We go to a foreign country and we play tourist, because actually going there is too difficult, too risky, to exposed.

Showing up counts for a lot.

When we show up, we connect, we make change, we are transparent, and yes, we’re human.

Caring hurts sometimes, and that’s inconvenient.

The good news is that more than ever, value accrues to those that show up, those that make a difference, those that do work that matters.

The good news is that digging deep and fighting that voice that begs us to shut up instead of show up really pays off now, in more ways than we can count.

Faith in yourself, in your friends, in your colleagues and most of all, faith in your ability to impact our future is the best strategy I know.