Listening in a Major Key

A few posts ago I talked about how sometimes something comes up over and over and over again in my life which is usually my indication that I need to slow down and pay attention to what God is trying to teach me with it.

Lately, that theme has been listening. The first time it came up I was like, "Okay great." The second time I was like, "Oh hey God. Yeah, what was that? I'm sorry I was distracted." The third time I was like, "La la la...I'm not LISTENING." And He was like, "Obviously." But today, I finally said, "What...I'm all ears."

If I do this to God, how often do I do it to the people around me? Getting off facebook has made me very in tune to the distractions I allow to be a part of my life. To how often my cell phone rings when I'm spending time with someone. To how often I answer a text message while someone is talking to me. To how often my brain has moved on to what I'm going to say while I simply wait for the other person to finish what they're saying. To how often I listen to music while I'm reading my Bible. I surround myself with distractions and I'm quickly learning all the ways this hinders me as a person, as a coworker, as a friend, as a family member and as a daughter to the King.

So here are a few of the messages that have come to me in the past 2 days...

The first was an article in a student ministry magazine I read that talked about how teenagers talk in a "minor key." They don't really tell you everything that's going on in their lives or what they're dealing with, they just give you little clues. And it's up to you to be listening in a "major key" to hear those things and to ask the right questions.

But isn't that all of us? It's a rare person that will just say, "Here's what's on my heart. Here's what I'm dealing with. I need help." So...the question that begs to be asked...Am I listening in a major key? Or am I hearing the words coming out and moving on with life.

The second time came from a book I'm reading called Lessons from San Quentin. It's a sweet, sweet book about a man who spent time in San Quentin for a white collar crime, the relationship that he developed with Jesus while he was there, and the lessons he learned from the "lifers," the men whose lives were shaped by a slow pace, the value they place on every day they have, and seeming to have all the time in the world. One of his lessons is this:

"Listen when others speak. People who give respect listen intently and completely to what others have to say. They do not interrupt. The Lifers somehow had learned this behavior, perhaps because they realized that every word spoken has value and deserves consideration. Interrupting someone who is speaking is rude and a show of disrespect. Often we do so because we are rushed and feel we don't have time to allow someone to offer a full argument. That simply underscores the benefit of leading a simpler, less frantic life. Eliminating the time pressure seems to facilitate the patience that allows us to be fully respectful of others. Respect is one of those areas where you can test yourself pretty easily. Take a day this week and train yourself to review each conversation after it has been completed. Evaluate how many times you interrupted the other person, for whatever reason. Could you do better? Or maybe try this: reflect on each conversation you had and count the times when you were only half listening-just enough to get by. Again, could you improve how often you fully devote your attention to the person you are speaking with?"

And then my last, "Hey Jen, You're not listening. Love, God" message came this morning from one of my favorite thinkers, Henri Nouwen...

Listening as Spiritual Hospitality

To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.

Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.