After my visit with Cristina, I went a few streets over to see this little poptart...
Sweet, tiny, Lillian Michelle. One of the closest little things I may ever have to a niece. She's already being trained to call me Aunt Jen. :) 
I'll be real honest...I've never been too much of a baby person. But I'm realizing that may have been because I'd never gotten to experience someone close to me having one. Being given an opportunity to see who this little one is and what she means to friends like Shannon and Keith, well, it's just different than working in a church nursery or babysitting your neighbor. She's the most important thing in the lives of 2 precious friends. And as she laid in my lap for nearly 5 hours, dead to the world, I realized that I might like babies just a little more than I thought.
But I still have my grandfather's genes...especially that one that loves taking photographs of screaming babies...
That mood shift happened in about 15.3 seconds. And I loved every one of them.
As I drove back to Austin that night, window down and radio blaring, I passed a church. A huge church. It was the same church I had interviewed for a job at in March of 2008. My mind immediately went back to that time in my life. I had come home to St. Louis from the mountains, relying on a student ministry internship that fell through pretty much as soon as I crossed the Missouri border.
So I was just there, unemployed and struggling to figure out where God was leading me. When I first got the call that I had been selected as one of the top candidates for a position as the Next Generation Ministries Event Coordinator for this church, I was convinced that was where I was meant to be. I borrowed the money to fly down to San Antonio and spend a weekend there, interviewing and getting to know the students and pastors.
During that weekend, I knew something felt off. But I didn't know what. I prayed a lot, knowing that if I was offered the job, I didn't have the strength to not take it just because it didn't "feel right." I needed a job. And I couldn't afford to keep flying around for interviews. About three days after I returned from San Antonio I got the call that the position had been offered to someone else.
I was crushed, but I didn't know why.I knew it wasn't right. It couldn't be. It didn't feel right. But why?
Was I not meant to be working with students anymore? Was I meant to just stay in St. Louis? But if I was, why wasn't anything working out there? Was I supposed to have stayed at camp and my failure to be obedient to that was causing me to struggle now?
I was a little lost. (And a little crazy). And not really trusting.
And when I think back on the things I just didn't know. Wow. And what I couldn't even begin to fathom was that God had something SO much better waiting for me. At that time, I couldn't have known the people that I would meet in Austin, the friends who would embrace me so sweetly. I couldn't have known the job He was preparing for me. I couldn't have known the desk that was sitting empty, the chair that would become mine. I couldn't have known the church home that had a chair waiting for me every Sunday morning. I couldn't have known the middle schoolers that I would get to lead.
I can't be faulted for not knowing the circumstances to come.
But I know now to always trust. I know now that this move, more than anything in my life has taught me that He always has my best in mind. He knows what's good for me far beyond what I could ever dream and He will lead me right to it.
There was about a month's time in the spring of 2008 when I didn't think I would ever be able to see the outside of that church and smile. Where I would be able to drive past it, carelessly, feeling untouched, unbroken, unbruised.
But Saturday evening, as I drove past I smiled SO big and all I could do was whisper, "Thank you."
I'll be real honest...I've never been too much of a baby person. But I'm realizing that may have been because I'd never gotten to experience someone close to me having one. Being given an opportunity to see who this little one is and what she means to friends like Shannon and Keith, well, it's just different than working in a church nursery or babysitting your neighbor. She's the most important thing in the lives of 2 precious friends. And as she laid in my lap for nearly 5 hours, dead to the world, I realized that I might like babies just a little more than I thought.But I still have my grandfather's genes...especially that one that loves taking photographs of screaming babies...
That mood shift happened in about 15.3 seconds. And I loved every one of them.As I drove back to Austin that night, window down and radio blaring, I passed a church. A huge church. It was the same church I had interviewed for a job at in March of 2008. My mind immediately went back to that time in my life. I had come home to St. Louis from the mountains, relying on a student ministry internship that fell through pretty much as soon as I crossed the Missouri border.
So I was just there, unemployed and struggling to figure out where God was leading me. When I first got the call that I had been selected as one of the top candidates for a position as the Next Generation Ministries Event Coordinator for this church, I was convinced that was where I was meant to be. I borrowed the money to fly down to San Antonio and spend a weekend there, interviewing and getting to know the students and pastors.
During that weekend, I knew something felt off. But I didn't know what. I prayed a lot, knowing that if I was offered the job, I didn't have the strength to not take it just because it didn't "feel right." I needed a job. And I couldn't afford to keep flying around for interviews. About three days after I returned from San Antonio I got the call that the position had been offered to someone else.
I was crushed, but I didn't know why.I knew it wasn't right. It couldn't be. It didn't feel right. But why?
Was I not meant to be working with students anymore? Was I meant to just stay in St. Louis? But if I was, why wasn't anything working out there? Was I supposed to have stayed at camp and my failure to be obedient to that was causing me to struggle now?
I was a little lost. (And a little crazy). And not really trusting.
And when I think back on the things I just didn't know. Wow. And what I couldn't even begin to fathom was that God had something SO much better waiting for me. At that time, I couldn't have known the people that I would meet in Austin, the friends who would embrace me so sweetly. I couldn't have known the job He was preparing for me. I couldn't have known the desk that was sitting empty, the chair that would become mine. I couldn't have known the church home that had a chair waiting for me every Sunday morning. I couldn't have known the middle schoolers that I would get to lead.
I can't be faulted for not knowing the circumstances to come.
But I know now to always trust. I know now that this move, more than anything in my life has taught me that He always has my best in mind. He knows what's good for me far beyond what I could ever dream and He will lead me right to it.
There was about a month's time in the spring of 2008 when I didn't think I would ever be able to see the outside of that church and smile. Where I would be able to drive past it, carelessly, feeling untouched, unbroken, unbruised.
But Saturday evening, as I drove past I smiled SO big and all I could do was whisper, "Thank you."
2 comments:
I'm glad your zipper was up that day =) I am also glad that you waited for God and moved to Austin. My life has been forever changed and I am so glad to have you...besties...it is better than I could have ever imagined. I love you, friend! Thanks for being a role model and an encouragement to me!
word verification: psinonic
whatintheworld?
I think a psinonic person is an undercover psychic who works at Sonic and tells the waiters what people are gonna order before they order it. That's how they get it out so fast.
my word is scisigh...that's what a scientist does when his experiment explodes in his face.
oh and p.s. i love you two!
JEN (not charlotte)
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