A few days ago our maintenance man came into the office and said that some very large rodent was running around in the ceiling. Apparently he was just sharing that info because there sure as heck wasn’t anything any of us women were going to do about it.
Today he came strolling in and said, “Adela and some guy are out in the hallway trying to catch a squirrel.”
I gave him a look that I hoped would communicate: You are the maintenance man and in any other world it would be your job to be chasing the squirrel, not spreading the news.
But I love Richard. So I got up and said, “Ooh. Let’s go watch.”
Well, I get out there and there is a squirrel running at me along the wall of the hallway, my co-worker chasing it, holding out her coat like she’s going to throw it on the little guy, and a dorky white man standing by the wall like he’s ready to pounce. They both scream at me, “Don’t let him get by you!”
Um, hello. Squirrels bite. I was NOT going to take on that rabbid fuzzy headed ball of cuteness with my bare hands. So, I let him get by me and watched him try to scale a wall before sliding back down.
“Please tell me you guys have a plan besides 4 hands and a coat.”
So I walked over to the front desk and said to our other front desk girl, “Um, can I please have your recycling box?”
By this point the little guy was headed back down the same hallway the other way. He managed to get himself snuggled in behind a table that was leaned up against the wall. We all had different ideas for nabbing him and weren’t communicating them very well. I kept trying to explain to the other two that if they would calm down and let me get him under the box I would take care of it. But instead Miss Thang in her high heels and Mr. Crazy White Man kept bopping around sending the squirrel into a wall climbing frenzy.
Finally he crouched down in a corner and I said, “Everybody stop! You, Mr. Crazy White Man (I didn’t really call him that), open that door and hold it open.”
I went and calmly put the box down over the little squirrel and started dragging the box along the floor, dragging the squirrel with me under the box. Thankfully he was fairly compliant. By the time I got to the door, the other two had blocked it off fairly well so he wouldn’t go backwards. No problems now. Just lift up the box and he would go running out, down the stairs to the right and off into his happy place of freedom.
Well…sort of. Instead I lifted up the box and he took off running at turbo speed straight out in front of him and did a Superman leap off the balcony, landing on the ground 15 feet below.
I was horrified and the crazy white man assured me that the little sucker took off running as soon as his feet hit the ground. I chose to trust him.
These things don’t happen to normal people…