Friday, January 21, 2011

Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day

A few days ago our maintenance man came into the office and said that some very large rodent was running around in the ceiling. Apparently he was just sharing that info because there sure as heck wasn’t anything any of us women were going to do about it.

Today he came strolling in and said, “Adela and some guy are out in the hallway trying to catch a squirrel.”

I gave him a look that I hoped would communicate: You are the maintenance man and in any other world it would be your job to be chasing the squirrel, not spreading the news.

But I love Richard. So I got up and said, “Ooh. Let’s go watch.”

Well, I get out there and there is a squirrel running at me along the wall of the hallway, my co-worker chasing it, holding out her coat like she’s going to throw it on the little guy, and a dorky white man standing by the wall like he’s ready to pounce. They both scream at me, “Don’t let him get by you!”

Um, hello. Squirrels bite. I was NOT going to take on that rabbid fuzzy headed ball of cuteness with my bare hands. So, I let him get by me and watched him try to scale a wall before sliding back down.

“Please tell me you guys have a plan besides 4 hands and a coat.”

::blank stares::

So I walked over to the front desk and said to our other front desk girl, “Um, can I please have your recycling box?”

By this point the little guy was headed back down the same hallway the other way. He managed to get himself snuggled in behind a table that was leaned up against the wall. We all had different ideas for nabbing him and weren’t communicating them very well. I kept trying to explain to the other two that if they would calm down and let me get him under the box I would take care of it. But instead Miss Thang in her high heels and Mr. Crazy White Man kept bopping around sending the squirrel into a wall climbing frenzy.

Finally he crouched down in a corner and I said, “Everybody stop! You, Mr. Crazy White Man (I didn’t really call him that), open that door and hold it open.”

I went and calmly put the box down over the little squirrel and started dragging the box along the floor, dragging the squirrel with me under the box. Thankfully he was fairly compliant. By the time I got to the door, the other two had blocked it off fairly well so he wouldn’t go backwards. No problems now. Just lift up the box and he would go running out, down the stairs to the right and off into his happy place of freedom.

Well…sort of. Instead I lifted up the box and he took off running at turbo speed straight out in front of him and did a Superman leap off the balcony, landing on the ground 15 feet below.

I was horrified and the crazy white man assured me that the little sucker took off running as soon as his feet hit the ground. I chose to trust him.

These things don’t happen to normal people…

29 comments:

Miss La said...

For real, these things don't happen to normal people. Let's see, what did I do today? I enjoyed a day off of work/school thanks to snow and cold wind chills. It was a squirrel-free, but full of cat-petting, kind of day. :)

chelsea said...

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Dani said...

That was hilarious!

Julia said...

I hate, hate squirrels.
Rats in cute suites!

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Anonymous said...

The gods instructed Pharroh to give the Jews all that gold as temptation, and it worked.
So unlike Pharroh, but an effective corruptor which was responsible for the 40 years of warmongering under Joshua. This caused another host of problems to befall the Jewsish people as well.
What a bunch of dumb-ass kikes. The gods used them as "minor partners" with the Italians in the destruction of Planet Earth.

Even as peasant farmers we could be lulled::Good weather, bountiful harvests, etc. This is what old-world preachers were good for.
This stereotypical preacher had classic preaching styles:::Loud, damnation-fueled teachings. Contrast to today, preachers who are lulling the Damned into cruise control. The old-world style was important to snap people out of complacency. Unfortunately, in today's enviornment people consider this style insulting, and they lose a precious message designed for the favored of yesterday.

The Republicans got tired of being fingered for the corrupt trash they are and this time around timed the crisis so it would fall into the Democratic Administration's lap with the bailout scandal. Republican donors/friends enjoyed enrichment at the expense of the taxpayer, as we saw with the S&L Scandal in the 80s, but this time they dodged the scorn associated and tried to unload it on the opposing party.
The entire real estate scandal was different, but fools who do what they are told greased the wheels of this crisis. Now they have the information they need, been foreclosed on and evicted, and are left holding an empty bag labeled "immortality".
The gods played both sides of this event as they typically do, and those to whom they sold the real estate scam to in the 90s profiteered in the 2000s when the sub-prime machine flew into full gear during the peak of the market in 2005-2007. But we are all judged for our behavior, real or clone host, and despite perception of priveledge those who participated will suffer poetic justice, unless they have slipped into Damnation and are no longer eligible for punishment.
The gods position their theater like this for a reason::::This alienates the masses who flock to the party of evil liberalism while using the Republicans to prepare for god's will with governmental insolvency and the destruction of the true "evil empire".


The United States is a dumping ground for the disfavored. THis was how it was used during European immigration, this is how it is used today.
The Japanese Earthquake/Tsunami of 3/11/11 was actuslly a good sign for the people. Alarming because it came decades after their most recent admitted atrocities during WWII, at least they will experience corrective punishment, whereas the United States won't be as lucky.
Russia too enjoyed corrective punishment for the 1980 invasion of Afghanistan.
THere is something about this country. Interferring/injuring the Afghan people incurrs he god's wrath. It cost the SOviets their protection of communism. Now the gods have leveled the playing field among the last few white peoples who still enjoyed it on their way to a homogeneous global enviornment. If I am right about the United States we won't be as lucky. When we go down it will be for good, and there will be no recovery.
Yes, the clone host fake politicians have been planning for this for decades. Ronald Reagan turned a $1 trillion Federal debt into $6 trillion at the end of his Administration. Much like W in Iraq, this served to terminate the favor of a group of people. Reagan just didn't have to do it with violence as W did, but he did do it against white people, which says something.
I believe in killing, non-reincarnation:::The only way Planet Earth will achieve sustainability is if we "take out the trash" and the gods allow the most disfavored among us to be eliminated. The bouy is sinking, social decay is becoming ruinous and unless it begins to rise to the surface the gods will get their way and life will end on Planet Earth.

Leona said...

That was hilarious! It's pretty much up there with the Armadillo!

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