Tough Pill to Swallow

There was a period of time a couple of years ago where I got really bad migraines. I don't know why. Maybe allergies. Maybe stress. Maybe just growing pains. But they were really bad. The kind that make your vision go fuzzy and your stomach churn.

For awhile, I would dope myself up with advil or excedrin or tylenol or whatever I could get to the fastest. I would take two little pills and lay down for awhile. Inevitably, it wouldn't be enough so I would pop a couple more little pills. And then I would sleep.

By the time I woke up, I would feel better. I could at least function. But there was always the threat of the headache coming back. For those who have never experienced a migraine, it's hard to explain...but while I wasn't in crippling pain, I still had a lingering feeling in my skull that warned me not to look at any bright lights or move too fast or it was going to come back with a vengeance. It could stay that way for hours, sometimes days, but often the headache would in fact be triggered again and come back full force.

I finally broke down and went to the doctor. After lots of tests to determine it wasn't anything more than just migraines, I was given a prescription for a GIANT painkiller. I was to take one any time a headache was coming on. Better than my 6 little guys, but one of those pills was bigger than my thumbnail. It made me nervous just to look at it.

And the first time I attempted to swallow one...holy hotdogs. It made me gag. The pill was so big I could barely get it down my throat. Tough to swallow would be the understatement of the century. It was painful going down.

But it worked. And it usually worked fairly quickly. It got to the root of the headache and I wasn't left with any lingering feelings. I felt healed.

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Sometimes when we experience struggles or frustrations or anger and bitterness, people can say things that help, at least as far as our emotions are concerned. Things that validate us, that affirm our feelings and make us feel fuzzier or more justified on the inside.

"No, you were right. She was wrong."

"You have every right to be angry at her."

"You have every right to be angry at God."

"You need some chocolate and a chick flick."

"You deserve to be treated better."

Those are the little pills...the ones that after 6 or 7 make you think you're doing better.

But something is leftover. The anger or sadness has not been healed, but simply band-aided and maybe in hours, maybe in days, it will come back and probably bigger and worse than the first time around.

Then there's truth. The truth that hurts on the way down. The kind that makes you anxious to just think about having to deal with it.

"You aren't trusting God."

"You are trying to play God."

"It's not your job to fix it and you're trying to make it your job."

"Jen...you are holding on. And you have to let it go."

When you're already in pain, already hurting, the last thing you want is something that causes more hurt on the way down.

But that's what Truth does.

It battles with our humanity and kills some sin that is alive in us.

Killing anything that's alive never goes without some kind of pain.

Truth is a tough pill to swallow...but it works.

Edit:: After writing this post I went to my google desktop and this was my quote of the day.

Truth does not changed based on our ability to stomach it.

~Flannery O'Connor